Saturday, February 3, 2018

My Little Brother Took Rejuvenex

So, by now I'm sure you've heard of Rejuvenex. It's only the Drug of the Century. Essentially, it's changed the face of our entire society. Every man over the age of 55 will turn into a muscle god over the period of just a few weeks and less than half of them will get younger looking. Results vary. Sometimes you will have a 20 year old looking stud who looks like he plays college football but he's really someone's great grandfather. The older the individual, the more powerful the effects Rejuvenex will have. And yes, if a man starts taking Rejuvenex at 55, he'll buff up, but then over time he will continue growing until he peaks. Height tends to peak at 7 feet, although most don't reach quite that far...yet. In 20 years, it's likely that a majority of Rejuvenex users will reach that height. But for now, there's a scale. Ten percent look chronologically 40 to 50 years old. That's in appearance only. Fifteen percent will look 30 to 40. Ten percent 20 to 30. And a special 5 percent will look anywhere between 15 and 19. Scientists have said it has something to do with telomeres, whatever those are. But there was an additional side effect that the makers of the drug never anticipated. They had created the fountain of youth and the world was in a tailspin. Some countries had banned it. Most had severely regulated it so that it was never over the counter, and for good reason. You see as elderly men across the planet celebrated not only newfound youth, but also having the muscular bodies of jock gods, somewhere along the way other people were bound to try it. Adult men would take it to no affect, of course and nothing they did would stimulate the amazing and unprecedented growth that was occurring in their elders. But then a few teens got their hands on it and...well...if they haven't reached puberty yet and the body hasn't begun to produce sperm, they would apparently also shoot right into adulthood. And with them, at least half would look about between the ages of 15 and 20. Ten percent would look to be between 20 and 30. Ten percent would wind up looking as old as their dads between 30 and 40. Ten percent would look 40 to 50. 20 percent would look elderly but with huge bodies. 

By now the stats are pretty well known and widely reported. Rejuvenex was the cure for unstoppable diseases. It was regulated that any adult male (it didn't work for women, unfortunately) over the age of 55 could legally obtain it, but as for pre-pubescents? Well, it didn't work for kids age 7 or below but 8 to 15 (depending on if they have or haven't started producing those hormones) would interact with the drug. So that means that for those lucky few kids that get cancer or other life threatening illnesses, they got a one stop ticket to adulthood. 

At least on paper. You see, there was an illicit market to grow kids into muscle beasts. Most parents would never want this in a million years, regardless of the fact it seemed to do nothing to alter the lifespan and in fact was projected to double most people's lives. But the parents looking to get their kids into acting, singing, or who wanted their kids to get jobs so they could help the family, those parents might just get their hands on some doses. Not to mention the parents that just want star athletes. Taking into full consideration that equivalency laws mandate that kids on Rejuvenex get automatic adult privileges and rights (drinking, smoking, sex, the ability to get jobs for anyone willing to hire them) almost no parent on Earth would ever want their child "rejuved" up. Some parents whose children were being bullied were the top of the list of arrests for "distribution with intent to age progress" which was a new crime of the decade. You heart cases coming forward all the time now on that subject. Most parents who wanted a bullied kid all growed up so they didn't have to worry for their safety had found loopholes by going to countries like Cuba or Columbia where distribution to minors was fully legal. It was the new plastic surgery. Only with way better results. 

Which brings me to my brother, Gregory. This is him:

Cute, wasn't he? Obviously, this isn't how he looks now. As cute as he is, he wasn't popular. He was a genius and highly picked on at school. His life of being bullied had resulted in him coming home with black eyes and bruises all over. It didn't help that he had a natural desire to lead others and he didn't take crap from anyone. He was pretty much at war with the school bullies who by the way were just scum gang members. Our house was vandalized a number of times with spraypaint. The fact my brother was rumored to be gay didn't help him and being a really conservative area he found very little support at school. People just didn't want to give him the time of day. He was branded as a gay nerd, even though he wasn't well, gay. That I knew of, at least.

So then my uncle and my parents went behind my back. I'm only a year older than my brother. He's 13, I'm 14. But I guess he hadn't started jacking off like I had yet. Because one day I came home and my mother wanted to have a very serious discussion with me and as she described how Gregory had been taken to South America, I went from baffled to incensed.

How could they do this. I screamed at her. It wasn't okay. It wasn't natural. Really I just felt betrayed. I should be the older, big brother. That was how it was supposed to be. This was going to ruin everything. It was going to ruin my life.

I got emails from Gregory. At first scared because he didn't speak Spanish but our Uncle Joe did and he was definitely keeping a watchful eye on him. Taking care of all the paperwork and making sure he was well taken care of. He was in this cool little villa with earthy red-tiled rooms and his bed had mosquito nets all over. I was so jealous because I'd never been anywhere. As the weeks progressed, he talked to us only sporadically over the phone. Mainly to Mom. One day she put him on with me and when I heard "Dave? Is that you?" I didn't recognize his voice.

"Jesus, is that really you?" A deeper voiced teen laughed in a rumble.

"Yeah, I know. It's gonna take me a while to get used to my voice, too. But...I just hope you'll okay with me when I come home. I'm starting to get big, Dave. Really big. Like I'm bigger than Uncle Joe now."

I tried to let that sink in, and couldn't. I couldn't fathom it or picture it.

"Everything is cool. I'm fine," I lied.

"Thanks," he sounded relieved. The lucky little shit! "I miss my physics AP class. I hope I don't get too far behind. I brought my book but Uncle Joe is saying I can just go for my GED when I get home since I'll be of age."

That made sense. Very few Rejuved kids stayed in school for long. It was too weird and they often felt isolated or made to feel like outcasts, though very few kids would fuck with the behemoths they had become.

"How much longer do you think you'll be there?"

"Uncle Joe says a few weeks more. Dude, I got to try beer for the first time last night! Cerveza! Don't tell Mom, though!" I sighed. I had never tried alcohol and my parents would kill me if I ever thought about it. I wanted to scream at Gregory in pure jealous rage but he really hadn't ever been my enemy. We'd always been like good friends, with me trying to be a big brother to him, and he never wanted to do anything I told him to do, even when it was for his own good. He was always trying to direct things with others but he was so unsuccessful at doing this at school. His natural instincts didn't play over very well with the school full of methheads and future prisoners that we both had to go to.

The weeks flew by. I made up excuses as to why Gregory wasn't around. He had a broken leg was a good one I usually went with.

Then one day I got the call. Gregory was at the airport. He had to stop to eat first before coming home, though.

This is a photo of Gregory (he's on the left) and his new friend who he found later from a support group of Rejuv kids, winning a trophy for wrestling. They compete with other biological adults down at the community center gym. This is how he looked when I came home asking Mom when Gregory was going to come home and I just turned the corner into the kitchen. I bumped into him. A human wall. He turned around. He had taken his shirt off, much like you see him in this photo.

"Dave!!!" He was so excited and his voice was so...booming. Gregory struggled with the instinct to hug me in mid air the way he would later hug his Rejuv "bros" and so he then realized he had to bend down on his knees. He pulled me to him. A grown man was embracing me. My grown up 13 year old brother now outweighed me by about a hundred pounds. "Isn't this great! Please say you're not mad at me! I know I'm way bigger than you now but I just HAD to do this. You have no idea what it's like. I..I..I just-"

"I get it. It's as much my fault. I wanted to stop the bullying but I can only tell so many people to go to hell. Well, fuck all the people in this shit town. No one's gonna fuck with my brother ever again. That's all I care about. So, how DOES it feel?"

"Oh my god..." He launched into details of how he grew, of how each week brought new amazing discoveries. About how he was constantly having "tall" moments. And then he started going around the house amazed he could reach the tops of all the plate shelves and boxes at the top of closets.

"Well, good. I know who I'll be asking me to help do spring cleaning," Mom piped in. "You'll be doing all sorts of chores to help work off that Rejuvenex vacation."

"Work off?""

"Wait, are you kidding?"

"Sweetie, I need to be honest," Mom started. "You will probably have to get a job soon."

"Uh...oh. Oh..okay."

"Not right away. But we were set back quite a bit by the expense of flying you all the way to Columbia. It was cheaper than we expected but still quite a lot for a middle income family. Dave, would you mind giving us a moment to talk about this in private?"

"Sure..." I said. It was the start of many conversations that would start that way as I was no longer adult enough to hold a conversation with my little brother.

The next day, Gregory was doing chores in the yard. Mom said that as long as he wasn't going back to school, he had to "man up" and do his fair share. I took some small pleasure in this until he took off his shirt to mow the lawn. Women in the neighborhood definitely noticed him, he told me when I got home. "Dude, I'm gonna be getting women staring at me all the TIME."

"Yeah. Great."

"Oh come on, I know you're still not like, as big as me but whatever, can't you help me out? I can't wait to get laid for the first time! My body is a fucking sperm MACHINE now, Dave. You have NO idea."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Sorry. I'm not saying anything right."

"It's okay. It's just...this is all gonna take some time to get used to. So what exactly is the plan?"

"I'm gonna take a night GED class to prepare for equivalency. That's next month. For now, I'll just start applying for jobs and stuff. I have to wait until I get some like, dress clothes I guess. Dad said I had to dress like a real man if I wanted a job. I hate wearing a tie! I'm gonna look stupid."

Note. He didn't look stupid. He looked like a million bucks.

"Jesus! Is that really you?"

"I know. I look like a geek."

"Seriously? Okay, Gregory. Look at me," I said. "You seriously look like you own a business or something. You look...dude I'm so fucking jealous now."

"You always loved dressing up. You're better at it than me," Gregory said fiddling with his tie.

"So are you excited?"

"I dunno what to say," he sulked. "Maybe I should never have done this." He sat on the floor and started moping. It was so odd to see a grown man acting like, well, a 13 year old.

"Okay, you look like a child and also a grown man and that's so not good."

"I don't wanna get a job! Not if it's at the places Dad was telling me about. I don't wanna work at the grocery store, Dave!"

"Oh my god, really? You look like fucking Conan the Barbarian's younger brother, not mine. You could seriously play professional sports now. Do you know what I would do to have a body like the one you just had handed to you?"

"You're just making me feel worse! You're supposed to make me feel better! You're my brother."

"Yeah, your older brother. Look, you were the one that agreed to this."

"Besides which," Dad said behind me, "We talked about you getting a job before we did this. You have to man up now. There's no going back. You left childhood behind the minute you got on that plane. So if you are having second thoughts about the adult world, it's a little too late. Now get off the floor and stop complaining and get down to that car. I'll be with you shortly."

Gregory moped out of the room.

"I was just trying to-"

"I know. I appreciate it. He's going to be a handful for a while. We all need to get him used to acting like an adult. You boys are well behaved but out of the two of you, you have the better attitude. Your brother has always been a bit negative. I'm going to really need you, Dave." My father put his hands over his face and pulled at it, which is a sure sign he's stressed.

"Okay, okay. So are you gonna teach him to drive?"

"Oh god, I have to do that eventually. Just not today. Today we're getting applications and he's going to introduce himself to prospective employers."

"Super fun." I said nodding. "So what about your job?" Dad works as a tax attorney from home.

"Oh  I am taking just a few days off and then I'm going to make your brother do all this alone. I can't hold his hand all the way..."

And thus it began. Dad helped him the first two days and from then on he just dropped Gregory off at shopping centers across town. No one called back, mainly because he was being honest about being only 13. It's legal to hire a 13 year old if he has been Rejuved but not many people wanted to. Would you hire a kid to represent your business? He can barely look at people in the eye. A few weeks of this went by. Gregory was starting to get anxious and he blew up at me and dad one night. That did not go over well. He yelled at us to get off his back and he was sick of us telling him what to do, because he was a grown up now.

That did not go over well. Cue Dad hauling his ass into the other room to chew him out. Cue Gregory crying. Yes, crying. A behemoth of a 25 year old looking dude crying is not exactly fun to listen to or watch.

He came to me later. He was really depressed.

"Well, look. You just started looking for work. It's not supposed to be easy. And you have your first driving lesson soon." He perked up a bit at that. "I guess that'll be pretty cool. Oh no, I forgot Mom wanted me to mow the lawn again."

"Hey what about that for a living? You can mow lawns."

"Haha, Dave." Gregory rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm being serious. Landscapers make decent pay."

I pitched my idea to the family that night and Dad agreed to take Gregory to a few different businesses.

One week later he was hired by one of them. He was so ecstatic when he came home. He couldn't stop talking about it. He gave me a big hug and said he owed it all to me. It was weird having a new much taller little brother who still gushed about me. At least we were still close. I'd heard so many horror stories about Rejuv kids falling out with their families. I hadn't broached that subject with Gregory but I'd talked about it with my parents.

As the weeks progressed, I was busier because I got onto the track team so I had to stay after school more. I also was getting tutoring for AP history with my teacher because I was pretty sure I wanted to be a history/law double major. Gregory isn't the only smart one. I just didn't brag about it or open my fat mouth as much as he did. There was some social awkwardness on his part that led to bullying and he never shied away from saying his opinion, whereas I tended to just melt into the background. Anyway, he started to change a little bit. Hanging out with grownups made him want to act more grownup, in his own words. He told me all the time about all the cool adult friends he was making and how cool the guys at work were.

He started to take more initiative. He started helping with chores without having been asked, doing dishes and raking leaves and taking out the trash. Before it was like pulling teeth. He was lifting weights in the backyard. His body was supercharged but he felt like getting more of a challenge here and there. He started to just act more mature. He was looking other adults in the eye more and more, I noticed. He started to be more confident when talking with adults. In school, he would stammer a lot or want to voice his opinion without letting other people speak. He was becoming more aware of that, about how he shouldn't be such a motormouth. He was learning to listen to other adults. He passed his learner's permit test. His driving lessons were going well. I guess being able to reach the pedals sure helped. Lucky bastard. I was still hoping for my growth spurt. I was still a bit on the short side and I fervently hoped that I wouldn't have to wait until I was 55 and could go on Rejuv myself before growing any taller.

One night I was doing homework and he called me, his deep voice resonating. "You need to come over here. I'm at my friends house. It's nearby." He gave me directions. I rode my bike over. He told me it was important but he didn't want to talk about it with mom and dad. Then I got to his friend's house and saw my little 13 year old brother smoking a cigar! By now his features had hardened a bit so he looked to be about age 30 by now. It was unbelievable!

"A CIGAR?? Are you joking? Mom would kill you."

"That's why she can't find out. DON'T tell her!" he said with slight panic. I crossed my arms and gave him The Look. "Seriously, I've been smoking them for weeks now. It's because I'm an adult and I can do what I want now. I have a job. I'm making money. And um. I'm thinking of moving out."

"What? You can't do that! You're supposed to help pay off your share of the trip to Columbia."

"I'm going to. And then I'm going to move out, in maybe four months. I have it all worked out." He blew the smoke and it was like heaven.

"Jesus that smells good."

"Yeah? You wanna try it? I won't tell mom or dad, I swear!" He smiled devilishly. I cringed and then gave in.

"Yeah. Okay. I mean, it's cool." He handed me the cigar gingerly. I was only 14. This was so illegal. I held it in my mouth. Fumes from the cigar drifted upwards, I took a drag on it and immediately started coughing."

"Dude, you're not supposed to like breathe it, just puff on it."

"Here, take it back," I said after wheezing a bit longer. "Do you have any water?"

"Inside. I'm gonna be moving in here."

Remember that friend in the pic from before, where they won a wrestling trophy? That friend lived in the house with some other 20somethings. My brother offered me a beer. He really wanted me to "bro out" with him along with his new adult friends, who opposed giving me a beer.

"Dude, he's just a kid still. And it's a schoolnight. I don't want your parents coming over here bitching me out cause I gave a kid beer."

"Technically I am older than him," I reasoned.

"Yeah but legally he can drink, so I'm gonna ask that you don't."

"Fine. Whatever." I looked a little embarrassed so to his credit Gregory got us a couple of apple juices to drink. When we were back outside, he took his cigar from the ashtray and took a deep drag.

"Oh man I fucking LOVE cigars. They're so awesome. I love the way they feel and taste." He exhaled. God, he looked good. I had been fighting all my feelings but as I had reached puberty I had to admit I jerked off to guys and even though it was my brother that everyone thought was gay, I was the only gay brother in the family. And yeah I had started to get awkward around him.

"Well you can have them. I think I'll pass until I'm a bit older," I told him. He smoked more. God, he just looked amazing. I was so embarrassed and jealous.

"What's wrong, Dave? Are you mad or somethin'?"

"Not mad, no, not really. Just...I wish I could jump ahead like you did sometimes. I wish I could hang out with your cool friends and not be the dumb kid brother."

"Oh. Sorry. I just."

"Look, this is the thing. You're older and you're gonna hang out with grownups your own age. I'm gonna still hang out with teenagers. We're gonna live in different worlds."

"Yeah. So, like..."


"Okay, like, maybe when we're alone sometime, I can sneak you some beers and we can just relax and chill out. Would you be cool with that?" I smiled.

"Yeah. That would be cool."

It would be months before that would happen. Gregory studied hard to get his GED. He got his driver's license. He bought a crappy 15 year old car after 6 months (he was getting rides from his roommate to work and giving him gas money) that he was incredibly proud of.

Word got out fairly quickly after he got back home that he had gotten a LOT bigger. It's the sort of thing people notice. People at school just avoided the subject with me. A few curious questions from guys wanting to know if my brother was getting laid. I honestly didn't know what to say.

My brother didn't share that part of his life with me, but I found out that he had been having sex. I came over to his place (just a few streets over from our house) and I heard the moans coming from his room, and they were LOUD. Holy shit!


She was moaning and gasping and god knows what else. I only heard her but I got the fuck out of there. My brother was a huge sex machine stud and I was a 14 year old virgin and having incredibly disgusting thoughts about him.

I told him I was gay the next week. He gave me a big hug and said he'd fucking punch the shit out of anyone that fucked with me. I felt so safe in his arms. We didn't talk about the obvious fact I liked the feel of his big strong arms touching me, just how the touch of him when we sat together watching movies made me feel.

We never did anything, keep in mind. But the fact is, I was hitting puberty, gay, and my hormones were going fucking crazy. Incestuous thoughts went through my head pretty much all the time when I was around him and I kept them to myself. He was straight. I wasn't. It was just a really difficult time for me.

Gregory had decided to put college off until he could decide what he really wanted to do with his life. He was really enjoying the thrill of being an adult but he was also still changing. He started to look older every month.

He started to get even more muscular. He joined a gym. He started talking about his sex life with me and when I told him it was okay for him to talk about it he started talking about all his conquests. About all the pussy he'd been getting. Of course he didn't want to go to college yet, he'd rather bang half the girls in town first! But then he started to age more in his face. His hair got a little tiny bit gray. He said he was okay with it but I knew it bothered him. His face became even more mature, stubble filled and sensually rugged.

Most people would mistake him for a dad himself now. He looked like a dad. He had aged so rapidly and he started to attract the mothers of the girls he would have fucked before. He told me he had gone out with a milf whose daughter attended our high school. He banged the shit out of her, he told me, grinning proudly.

And then he called me one day. His voice was really serious. He was going to be 14 in only two months.

"So, I have something to tell you. I met this girl. Woman. And she's like, she's like mom's age. She's not the same one as before. She doesn't have kids. She's really nice, Dave." He sounded sorry for something.

"Gregory. What's wrong?"

"I knocked her up. The condom broke."

"Shit. SHIT!"

"We're gonna get married. I really love her. I'm gonna be her husband and I'm going to raise the child with her."

"'re like only a kid still!"

"I don't feel like a kid anymore, man. I feel like a real man now. Anyway. I wanted to tell you before I tell Mom and Dad. They are NOT gonna like this."

That was an understatement. Mom had a fit and Dad yelled at him. They told him he was too young for this. I didn't envy Gregory. He was choosing to be a 14 year old father. He said there was no way he could go to university now, at least not for a regular BA. He was looking into trade schools to become a machinist. He moved into her place. Her name was Marisa.

I still pictured him at night with his monster dick, fucking his soon to be wife (who was admittedly really hot for 37 years old) and I guess her family had some issues with him, too. Theirs was a definite uphill battle. I had my 15th birthday and he introduced me to his girlfriend. She was very nice.

But I believe my brother. He is a real man now. He has become MY big brother in many ways. We eventually got together for those beers. We had a Boys Night. His soon to be wife left us for the evening and we both got drunk watching movies. And then came the biggest bombshell of my entire life. I had never been drunk before and he cradled me in his arms. "Hey. Hey little brother."

"Hey big brother," I said, feeling his big strong arm around me, feeling the hairy forearm and wanting desperately to kiss it. We had begun to abandon thinking of me as the bigger brother, and I was enjoying it, to be honest. I didn't care what anyone thought of us as a family. I loved my brother.

"I want to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me."

"Okay," I muttered, watching the flickering TV screen after he muted it with the remote.

"Do you ever think about me? It's okay if you do. I think about you, too." I slowly got up.


"I...I think about guys when I jerk off. Mostly girls, but sometimes guys. Mainly big muscle guys. But I love you, little brother. You know, I've changed so much and you have been there for me all the way. I just want you to know how much I love you. How much I appreciate you. And you are so fucking hot, dude." He grinned.

"I fucking love you, too." I hugged him tight. "Your muscles are so fucking hot. Fuck." I smelled his beer breath and he brought me in closer, situated me on top of him. He kissed me. Oh god, it was fireworks. My brother kissed me and I felt dizzy like I did when I tried my brother's cigar. He immediately picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his torso. He held me in his big arms, kissing me still, tasting me and me tasting him. He was intoxicating. I loved his stubble. I pulled my tongue out of his mouth to lick it. He was in the bedroom. No one was in the house but us. He had carried me into the bedroom. He took off the white T-shirt that hugged his giant frame and I looked up in wonder. I wanted to cry I was so happy.

"You like that muscle? Huh? Huh, LITTLE brother? You like that fucking muscle?"

"Oh my god," I managed to say, in a whisper. He made his pecs dance for me.

He was on top of me, in control of me. Larger than life. A real live, grown man with muscles everywhere, and I was all his. He knew what he was doing and I didn't and that was okay. He shucked off his pants and his 8 inch dick bobbed up and down, as big as a bat. I wowed with my mouth and then he asked me to put my mouth on it. He guided me. He moaned in ecstasy. I managed to get my mouth around his head. Fuck. He tasted amazing! His cockhead throbbed in my mouth and it was the best thing I'd ever done. The feeling of how hard and salty and sweaty it was. I was instantly hooked.

He brought me up again to kiss me. He made out with me and took off my clothes, took his rugged well-worked calloused hands and yanked them off rather forcefully. He growled. "FUCK yeah, brother. I fucking love you. You want this cock, hmm? Oh, fuck. You have a nice dick, bro." We held each other's dicks for a while, just standing there next to his bed. "I want to fuck you. I'm clean. Do you trust me?"


He put me in position over the bed and slipped cold lube over my little hole. Getting ready, he grasped my sides and I felt his dick position itself. For a minute or so it hovered, and then slowly, painfully, gloriously it made its way inside me.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh," he moaned, and started to slide his dick inside me. It felt amazing. He was gentle. He was slow. After about 10 minutes he told me he wanted to go faster. I let him. He was really holding back that night, I know because we've had sex a dozen times since then and he is usually just a powerfuck. He had impaled me many times since like a fucking jackhammer but that night was different. That night he took my cherry. He came inside me and as he gasped.

"Oh! OH! FUCK! OH GOD! OH DAVE, THANK YOU!" He hugged me to him with an iron arm and slowly fucked me more standing up. He was only partway in. I couldn't take all of his dick back then but now I'm proud to say I can. He was so careful and I'll always be grateful.

He wiped off the lube so I could eat the rest of his cum. He jerked off and told me to open up. I was in heaven. He gently put his dick into position as I waited for my first cum and it filled my mouth ever so briefly. I relished the taste of it and moaned. He laughed at me.

"Fuuuuck yeah, you love that, don't you?"

"Yes. Oh god you're so hot. I fucking love your muscle." I held onto him almost all night as we talked for hours and hours and intermittently made up for lost time by exploring each other with our tongues.

"So what about Marisa?"

"We're not gonna fucking tell her about this," he said, thoughtfully. I mean, fucking your brother was still pretty uncommon enough for society to want to keep that to oneself. So I got it. We had a secret life after that.

My brother got married. I was his best man. I wished I could have been there for the honeymoon more than I could say. He went to trade school and did in fact learn to be a machinist.

He's 20 now and I'm 19. I am in university and I'm really enjoying my classes. Getting straight A's.

We get together every now and then. Twice a semester but I stay with him and his wife during the summer. He has a young daughter now, age 5. We go on fishing trips to the woods, where we can have guy time together. I think Marisa suspects but she would never say. My brother for all intents and purposes is an amazingly mature man and I'm so proud of him. And I'm so lucky to get fucked by him.

Rejuvenex is a complicated matter. Everyone responds differently but the one thing it can't do is force you to act mature. My brother manned up because he wanted to. I hope I can be as big and manly as him someday. I've begun to catch up finally. He is obviously over 250 and stands at 6'2". I reached 6'1" so I'm at about his height now, which makes making out with him a lot more fun and I weigh in at 190 of taught muscle. I have a long way to go before I get to his level and I'm not going to wait until I am old enough to take Rejuvenex.

Better hold on, little big brother. I'm gonna catch up eventually.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

The Grown Up Clothes Club Part 2

This is so cool  Everyone is gonna think I'm my own dad! Well, time for this GROWN UP to go into my grown up work building! Yep. Just gonna walk in there in my SUIT and be an ADULT. 

"Morning, Wayne!"

"Oh...uh...Good morning!" I don't know that guy's name. don't have my voice anymore. It's weird to have dad's voice come out of my voice. My voice is so much higher. Dad's voice is like a grumble. He always sounds angry. But now I'm totally him. Why does my chest feel warm? It's the weirdest feeling. Man, I'm as tall as all th grown ups in this building! So cool.

Okay, so I got to Dad's office. I have my own desk. I thought it would be bigger. Huh. I have a phone and there are lights on it and...I have no idea how this phone works. Huh. So I sat at Dad's office just thinking various thoughts about how I usually spent my day. You know, lining up for the teacher on the playground in the morning and then going to class and reading and then playing with my friends. I don't have any friends here. I wonder if they play at all. Like do they have a break where they play sports at all? I guess not because it's a big building. Everything is so boring so far.

The door knocked. "Hey Wayne," said a guy who didn't bother to be let in. "I got reports here that need your approval. We are looking over more financial specs for the trade ads. The trade show meeting got moved up to TODAY so we need you there by 11 sharp."

"Oh. Of course. Where is that?"

"In the meeting room. Where else are we gonna have it, on the roof?"


"Have you talked with Debra yet about the legal consultancy for the new configurations yet?"


"Okay, well when you do, just let me know and I'll have the boys downstairs start on the Q89C so it can clear the rest of the hurdles, you know?"

"Oh yeah, right."

"Alright, well I'll let you get to it, buddy."

The door closed behind him. I have no idea what he was talking about! I have no idea what I'm doing. Maybe if I turn on Dad's computer. It's so old. Okay. games. Huh. Dad has a bunch of numbers look at all these files. I have no idea what any of these are for. Names. Numbers. More names, more numbers. Okay I'm calling Dad. Oh right, I sort of sent him to school. Woops. I should have brought him with me. I'll text him.

'Hi dad how are u how do u do this job?'


'Dad they want me to...i mean u to go 2 a meeting at 11.'


'They said they have a trade show. Do you get to look at cards there? Like Pokemon cards? I am not going if they have Yu-gi-oh.'


'Don't say that word! You tell me not to!'

Then there was no answer. I tried but I guess Dad got caught texting. Oh man I hope Miss Pennescot doesn't take my phone away! I basically just went on dad's internet and played games for a while but then I realized I could do whatever I wanted to do. I looked in his drawer's for a while. I had been feeling really weird all morning, like my muscles were twitching and everything. I came across a bunch of office supplies but no toys. Then I saw a packet of Dad's Camels. What! He told me he gave up smoking! He lied! Oh man. My stomach is growling. Now I can't stop thinking about smoke and how good it smells. What is wrong with me?? I don't think cigarettes smell good but oh god they taste so fucking good. 


So I decided to call my best friend Kyle. But when he answered it was a little boy's voice.

"Hey. It's me," I said, stupidly before remembering that I was actually talking to Mr. DiPaolo who was in my friend's body. "Um. It's...Mr. Conway. Yes, can I speak to uh...your father? Bob, please?"

"Suuure. HEY DAD IT'S FOR YOU!" Lucky for me I had the DiPaolo's home phone number.

"BOB DiPaolo speaking. How can I help you?"

"Uh. Um. This is um. This is. Like. It's me. It's George and I'm my dad and is this Kyle?"

"Of course it's me! Hey, let me just step outside. Okay, that's better. I don't want dad to overhear me. Isn't it awesome being an adult??"

"I...I thought it would be but I'm totally scared now. I might really screw up Dad's job. What do I do?" I wanted to cry. "He's gonna be so mad at me." I was beginning to tear up.

"Dude, listen. I found another spell. You can like, get all your dad's knowledge and stuff. I've got all my dad's know how and I went to work for the first time yesterday! I work 12 to 8 today so dad and me are just going over the basics. He still doesn't know I'm the one that switched us and I don' t feel like goin' back yet."

"But like...I can't be my dad. And you can't be your dad! What about your mom!"

"Dude, relax. I'm only gonna do this until my mom comes home. For now, I'm havin' fun!"

"um okay okay look I guess can you do the spell and give me the power to like do Dad's job cause I'm really scared now."

"You have to exchange it with him. He has to give it to you. My dad doesn't even know how to drive now! He was so mad and he threw a tantrum. Dude, I had to put him in a corner! I put my dad in a time out! This is fucking awesome! Oh yeah and I can totally say bad words now!"

"Oh. that's good I guess. Look um. I'm just really nervous about all this so I want to go back. But I lost the way for us to switch back so can you give me the papers again? I'll have dad wear something of his so he can go back to being dad and we can go back to normal. I don't like this as much as you do!"

"Okay stop worrying. You're a total grownup now. You can't be acting like a baby, George. Okay? Be a man. Act like your dad or at least pretend to. Sheesh. You are really bad at this."

"I'm only 9 years old! I have people calling me Wayne or Sir. It's weird!"

So Kyle agreed I should come over to his house later and he'd make a spell for me. But I had to wait until later tonight.

So anyway. Dad texted me just a few lines about how I should fake being sick and leave but I didn't know what to do. I guess I should do as he says. So the next time the weird guy came in and started talking about things and I had no idea what he was talking about, I said I thought I was getting sick. And he told me in a panic that the meeting couldn't be moved. That the BOARD were all going to be there and they needed to talk about the trade show and so much money was on the line because it was in three days and they had to do some emergency preparation because the materials were all wrong and fucked up. Wow. Adults curse at work? Dad said they never curse at work. He said I should never curse because adults don't in the adult world...he lied to me!

So I had to make a decision and decided I would fake being sick at the meeting. So I went downstairs and saw there was a bagel shop across the way and I ran across to go in. Geez, I'm tall now! It's so weird to be tall as grownups! So I bought some oatmeal cookies. I ate one and drank some milk and got some orange juice. I really didn't feel well. I saw a guy outside the building dad works light up a cigarette and my mouth watered. Dad's body really wants to smoke, I think! Well I'm not going to. It's gross! A cigarette would be so good right now. It would really calm my nerves. 

It was like dad's thoughts were in my head. Weird. Okay, so I prepared for the meeting by watching Spongebob on Youtube. Then I felt better. So I did what I had to do. I asked dad where the meeting room was and there was no answer so I just walked around until I saw someone getting in the elevator. So I got in with her.

"Hey, are you on your way to the meeting?" I tried to sound all casual and dadlike.

"Oh. Yes, sir. I didn't have much time to prepare, though."

"Yeah, me either," I said, trying to sound like Dad. So I just followed her on the floor she got off and we rounded several corners until I saw the meeting room and only a few people were there so I walked around until I found a bathroom...

I got inside and sat down and guys in suits, and a few women were talking about all these projects. I noticed that the company dad worked for was all over these brochures and they were spread across the table. So I looked at one. Everyone was talking about consumers, and I know that means people that buy things because dad taught me that word. Logistics. McKee Logistics. Logistics. That sounds...mathy. Does dad do math at work? He always told me he had to and if they want me to use long division, they can think again because I am so NOT going to.

So the meeting started and I listened for a little while and made a show of putting my hand on my stomach. So they kept talking about how all the material had been written for the wrong models because we were discontinuing that software and moving forward and needed to push the Q89C model and we needed to push our 24/7 tech support help line as being American and not in India. And none of the promotion was overlooked very well because it had been done months ago before...

And so that is when I gave my performance. I was in several school plays so I know how to be an actor and also I know how to get out of school because I had to fake being sick the day Billy Shruckner wanted to beat me up after school and then when my mom came I told her the truth and then all hell broke loose because she told his mom and now he has to go to therapy and he hates me.

I started off rubbing my stomach. A few people noticed and then I stood up so the entire table had their eyes on me. I ran for the door and then tripped and all the oatmeal/milk/orange juice I had mushed together in a styrofoam cup came out and I made really good vomit noises.


"The flu? Someone get him out of here now!" a woman cried.

"This is all my fault?"

"Wayne, can you hear me? Are you okay?" I sniffed. I had also bought a salad at the sandwich shop and I had stuck my finger all over the onion that came with it and it had been right near my eye as I was on the floor, so now I was all teary-eyed.

"I felt sick earlier."

"I told him he should come anyway. I am really sorry, guys."

"Wayne never gets sick. Donny, you really should have listened to him. We can't afford to have him infect the entire building!"

"He's the boss, though!"

"Of his department, not yours. Don't pull that line with me. Wayne, do you need us to call you an ambulance?"

" Just call me a ride home, okay?"

Academy Awards, here I come! Dad will be so happy! Um. Sort of.

So...long story short I got home and mom wasn't home but I had dad's keys that he had given me. I wonder if I should take the car out for a spin while he isn't here. And then if I crashed it he would totally kill me so..maybe not. Anyway, I still couldn't reach dad. It was recess now so I should be able to. But he wasn't answering. I hope dad didn't get me into trouble. I will be so mad if I am in trouble when I go back to school. I took off dad's office clothes and got into some comfortable sweat pants I found and rubbed my hairy new body. This was pretty cool, I thought. I hope I have as much hair as dad does someday. I mean, other than now. When I'm me and I go through growing up and stuff.

It was at this point that mom came home and it was not good. I mumbled I was sick and had to come home from work and she was screaming and frantic and she gave me a thermometer and said I didn't have a fever. She was talking about a doctor. I laid down on the couch and just pretended to be sleepy. "Mom, don't do that. I just wanna go to bed."

"Ugh. You are zonked. Okay, well sweetie? Hello?" She was in front of me up close crouching now. "I have to go pick up Brian soon and I need to drop off my orders at the post office. Just stay here and I'll pick you something up at the pharmacy. What hurts right now?"

"My stomach hurts and my head hurts," I said, trying to sound pathetic.

"Don't worry, I think it might be what Amanda's husband had, we just saw them so you probably go tit from him. Okay, just rest and I'll be back after my errands. I won't kiss you for a little while, is that okay?" She kissed her hand and patted my head.

Yeah, you shouldn't kiss me, I thought to myself. But then I felt my penis move. Why was my penis moving???

After mom drove off I got up off the couch and threw the blanket off. I was hungry so I helped myself to some leftovers in the fridge and some chips. Wow, I'm really hairy. It itches, too. I've never had chest hair before. It really itches! I turned the TV on and did some channel surfing. There were all these women playing volleyball and normally I wouldn't care about that...

I don't want to say a lot about what happened here but it kind of freaked me out. My penis got really hard and I started touching it and it got even harder and bigger! Like it got real big! Did I have some kind of adult disease or something? So I looked it up on the internet and that is when I learned a lot of things. Normally dad is there if I'm on the internet because he says I'm not old enough to go on the internet alone. But I found out all about all the...stuff that adults do. Or at least the basics. You know, I'm really glad I have the internet and that I'm not actually super old like dad. He said when he was a kid they didn't even HAVE the internet. That is super dumb.

Anyway, I wanted to see if my penis would do more, like the photos I saw but then Mom drove back. I got back on the couch and put the blanket back on and pretended to be asleep.

"Honey? Could you open your eyes? Sorry to wake you but have you seen a small box lying around? I forgot one of my orders." I blinked. Oh right. Mom has her own business where she makes jewelry and stuff so we can make more money for bills and things. I once did a report on it.

"I..I..I dunno."

"I can't find it anywhere." Brian was suddenly there.

"Daddy!" He ran up and hugged me.

"Brian, get off me!" I pushed him away.

"Daddy, whyyyy!"

"Because Daddy is sick, sweetheart. He doesn't want to get you, sick." Brian looked sad like he was going to cry.

"Oh..yeah. Sorry, buddy. I would if I could. You don't want to get sick, do ya?"

"I don't care. I want to hug you, Daddy!"

Suddenly, something dawned on me. The missing pieces of magic paper. Mom's missing box.

"Brian? Do you know where Mommy's box is? The little one?"

Brian didn't answer.

"Brian?" Mom asked. "Answer your father, sweetheart."

"We won't get mad, I promise. But mom really needs that box, sweetie."

"I forgot. I'm sorry."

"You forgot where you put it? You were playing with it?" Mom took over, nonshalantly. "George, you know, you shouldn't play with other people's things. Remember what we talked about?"

"Yes," Brian said, looking at the floor.

"Brian, you want to help mom, right? Try and remember where you put it."

"It's with my toys," he said and grabbed mom's hand and the two went off to his room. She came back triumphantly.

"Sweetie, would you mind just watching him a little bit while I...on second thought you should probably sleep."

"You want me to watch him? I'm pretty awake now." I know, I know. I know I never want to watch Brian but if he had mom's package...

"It's just he really needs to eat. The kindergarten had their half day today, they do that every two weeks now, you know. Anyway, just give him the lunch I made in the fridge this morning."

"Okay, sure," I agreed. She blew me a kiss and was out the door. Good ol' mom.

"And honey, put a shirt on. You don't want to make it worse,"

"Oh, Right." I found a shirt in dad's room. At first I went into my room. Luckily, mom didn't see me and she already left. I was about to put on one of MY shirts when Brian came in.

"This isn't your room!"

"Oh. Right. Of course. Because I'm the dad."

Brian squealed with delight following me around. I found one of dad's shirts and tossed it on. So weird that I can wear his clothes now, that I'm big enough to wear them. And I want a cigarette so badly right now. I tried to ignore the impulse my body was craving. Brian followed me into the kitchen.

"Here ya go," I handed him the plastic bag.

"I need a plate!"

"Oh. Right." I had fun opening the top cabinet. I'm tall enough to reach the plates now! I smiled in triumph. Maybe being dad for a day isn't so bad! I gave him the sandwich and some cheddar cheese slices and crackers. I sat down across from him at our circular dining table. Okay. Don't be a mad big brother. Be the daddy he loves.

"Brian? Did you see...some slips of paper on the floor the other day with my name and dad's name...I name and uh, George's name on them?"

George didn't answer.

"Sweetie? If you saw them, I really need them."

"They were so pretty," he said in his sad-guilty little kid voice.

"I knew it! I mean, uh...that's okay...uh...champ. But if you could give those back, it would really make me happy, okay?"

"Okay, daddy." Brian got off his chair and went to his room and I followed him. We were very lucky to live in a house where we could each have our own bedroom. VERY lucky. Brian opened up his dresser drawer and bent down on the floor and bingo, there were the papers. "There's your name. And there's George's name. And there's my name!" Oh no. Oh, crap crap crap. Written all over the ink in little kid scrawl was Brian's name in crayon.

"Oh that's just great!"

I looked at Brian. Uhoh. He was starting to cry. Then he was crying. "No no no. Nonono. Don't cry, Brian. I'm sorry.'s just. I uh..." CRAP. "Daddy is just sick is all. And I love you. I'm really sorry, Brian."

"I wrote my name just like the teacher taught me cause I love you. Now you have my name, too!" He sniffed. I picked him up. All the way up. I was so big now I realized I could do that. I hugged him.

"You really do love me and your brother, don't you?"

"I love George and now my name is next to his and I made it pretty, see?" he said.

"Well, that's okay. Just don't cry. Daddy just needs some rest. I'm really sorry. Hey, why don't I give you a cookie?" I rubbed his head, with its hair full of tangled light brown curls.

Well that did the trick. Soon Brian had forgotten I'd snapped at him. I tried to call Kyle but no answer. Oh right. He was at his dad's job, presumably knowing what he was doing. I wished I felt the same way. I had no idea if the slips of paper would even work now. And if they changed me into Brian, I really didn't want to

For the rest of the day, I pretended to be sick until dad got home. It was not fun. He told me that he couldn't talk to me because he had been hiding his phone under a book but the teacher finally caught him.

"I had to spend recess with your teacher. She's a lovely woman but I found the entire experience humiliating. I had to assure her I would respect her in the classroom.

"She usually doesn't do that."

"Yeah well she sort of caught me using it more than once."

"Dad! I don't wanna miss recess!"

"Yeah, well I don't want to miss going to my fucking job and losing it." he seethed through his teeth, out of mom's earshot. "When are we switching back?"

"Yeah, I'm going to get some help on that tonight."

"Help? So you know the person that did this. Okay. Okay. Okay look, we will have to go out together. When can we go?"

"Well he gets off work at 8."

"We'll have to tell your mother something. You're supposed to be sick."

 "We can tell her that I need to take you to the pharmacy? Maybe you can pretend to be sick." I said.

"No. I'll come up with the lie here. Your mother can smell bullshit. Okay. Okay. When it's time for us to leave, you'll tell your mother that you need to have a very special father son talk with me. And you'll need time to do it. Like an hour or two or more. Okay?"

"Okay!" I said, cheerfully.

I pretended to be sick more and watched TV. Dad checked his emails when mom wasn't looking.


"Oh. Yeah. It was pretty cool. I put some oatmeal cookies and juice and milk together and put them in a plastic baggie and then stuffed it all in my mouth when I went to the bathroom."

"Huh. Okay, that actually isn't half bad. But never do it again!"

"Daddy, will you play with me?" Brian asked me. My eyes drifted back to dad, in my body.

"Here. Why don't you play with me, Brian?"

Brian got all excited because I usually don't want to play with him. Maybe I should play with him more, I thought. Dad in my body was being a really good brother, helping him draw with crayons and playing board games with him. I guess over the last year or so I'd been hanging out with Kyle so much I'd sort of just wanted to ignore him. I was afraid he wouldn't be able to keep up and I didn't want Kyle to dump me because of Brian.

Speaking of which, I got a text from Kyle finally. I was supposed to come to his house at 8:30. I told dad. Then we had dinner and mom made me some Jello and eggs and toast because I was still pretending to be sick. Everyone else got to eat chicken and mashed potatoes. I told Dad we could walk there but we needed to leave so we'd be able to get there when my friend got there. So he and I talked alone and then he sent me to mom with a planned speech. I got dressed in dad's jeans in his room and put on my best "concerned dad face".

"Uh..honey, I uh...I need to go for a walk. With George. For a very special father-son talk. He's asking about...penisses."

"Oh. Geez. NOW?"

"Yeah yeah, I really need to talk to him. Someone told him some things at school and you know kids these days and the internet so uh...I'm going to answer all his questions. I am gonna be a few hours. We'll just walk around the street."

"Oh wow. Okay, well are you sure you should be up right now? RIGHT now?"

"This really can't wait. I think he needs to talk now."

"Okay, father of the year. Make sure and bundle up. It's not that cold tonight but you could get really sick if you don't. Don't go too far, take your phone with you. Just promise me that if he turns out to be gay like your brother, you won't take it too hard."


"I know, I know. You don't think he's gay. But a mother knows these things."

A mother knows WHAT things!?


So once we were outside and bundled up and walking around.

"Um, dad?" I asked.

"Yes, son," my dad replied. "Try not to walk too fast, son. My legs are smaller now."

"Oh! Sorry. I just. Um. Gay is when guys like each other, right?"

"Oh god. I don't want to have this conversation now."

"Mom thinks I'm gay. Am I gay, dad?"

"How the hell would I know?" Dad asked. "You'll figure it out when you start to...I guess I really am having this conversation now. I guess we didn't have to lie about that. just to back up..."

And then dad told me the basics, which made the internet photos I saw make a lot more sense.

"So, when my penis got hard today, I wanted to have sex??"

"Well, biologically. Yes. But you just jack off if you're alone. That means you get hard down there and then you cum. And it kind of just shoots out."


"Yeah, that is not the reaction you are going to have when it happens."

"So why does mom think I'm gay? And why do you have a plastic penis in your room?"

"What?! Oh. That. Your mother keeps that because she thinks it's funny. It's actually...a little gift your uncle left behind."

"Because Uncle Travis is gay?"

"Yeah but the only reason we waited to tell you is because he doesn't have a boyfriend and he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. He asked us not to say anything. Your mother wanted to. It's NOT a big deal, though. We all love Uncle Travis, and his being gay does not change anything."

"Hey, your kid is awesome!" said a woman who was talking with her girl friend in the shade of a tree they had just crossed.

"Oh. Thanks." Dad and me both said at the same time.

"Mom likes gay guys, huh dad?" I said, when we were out of earshot again.

"Well yes, she has several gay friends. There's nothing wrong with it."

"So why does mom think I'm gay?"

"Ugh. Because she's your mother? I don't know. You'll figure it out one day and then you'll tell us. I don't really care. As long as you never do drugs. Because then I will kill you." Dad said, and even though he was a nine year old I was really afraid of the way he'd just said that.

SO we got to Kyle's house and Dad recognized it.

"Kyle? It's Kyle."

"Sort of," I said.

"What do you mean, sort of?"

"He sort of...looks different now." Dad got that LOOK in his eye.

"Do you mean to tell ME. That Kyle swapped bodies with his dad? And that he swapped our bodies? KYLE. Who is 9. HOW did this happen? Start talking! I've been real patient but I need to know now!"

"Hey. Keep it down out there," a man's very deep voice boomed. "Come inside, dude. Both of you." I gulped. Dad marched in my 9 year body as menacingly as he could.

I noticed that Kyle had shaved most of his dad's beard and he wasn't wearing a shirt. He was huge! He got some milk from the fridge and chugged it.

"Fucking dad can't tell me not to drink milk directly from the jug anymore! Ha!"

"That's...greeeeeat," my dad said carefully. "So I assume I'm speaking to Kyle now, and not Bob."

"You assume correctly, brat."

"Hey, don't call my dad a brat. That's not nice."

"Sorry, bro. You want a drink? Maybe a beer?" He got a bottle out and handed it to me. Dad intervened.

"No. You are not giving a nice year old a beer!"

"He look like he's 9 to you, little boy?"

"Can I dad? Please?"

"No. Your mother would smell it. I'm not going to explain that. No beer. That's final."

"Dude, he's still my dad," I told Kyle.

"Whatever." He twisted the cap off and drank it. "I can still do what I want. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DAD! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT CAUSE I'M THE GROWN UP AND YOU AREN'T."

Kyle's form came marching from the other room. He had Kyle's semi longish hair and buck teeth. "What's going on here? Son, why are they here? Are you thinking of doing something with them? Please don't. Just run. Both of you right now. I'm actually BOB and this is my 9 year old son KYLE in that big body up there!"

"We know. Hi, Mr. DiPaolo."

"OH NO. You swapped George and Wayne? Why would you do this?"

"So..he knows you're the one that swapped you two."

"Yeah, I told him. I think it's funny."

"Kyle, you can' can't really stay in there. You don't know anything about being a grownup." My dad tried to reason with him.

"Shows what you fuckin' know. I know everything my dad knew about construction and now I can drill all fuckin' day. What do you think of that? I ain't goin' back to being in fourth grade. I hated it. I'd way rather do my dad's work than homework!"

"Talk some sense into him! My wife is going to be back in a few days! Please!" Mr. DiPaolo pleaded. "I can't be in this little kid body anymore." He started sniffing.

"Is he being mean to you?" I asked in concern.

"I ain't bein' mean, I'm just treating him like he treats me, isn't that right, dad?" Kyle sipped his beer casually. "You say I'm outta line, you spank me, and I spanked you real good right back. And if I go back, he'll just spank me again, won't you?"

"No, I won't! I promise!" wailed Mr. DiPaolo. I really felt sorry for him.

"This is deplorable. Neither of you knows how to be an adult."

"I took all my dad's know how so yes I fuckin' do now how to be an adult. I have a magic spell and I'm gonna give it to George so he can do your fuckin' job." Kyle sauntered into the living room and plopped himself in his dad's easy chair. He flipped the TV on to the channel he wanted. Sports.

"But...we want to trade back. I feel bad. Really bad. I didn't want to make my dad miserable and this is all my fault, I'm really sorry Dad."

"Something tell me it's not ALL your fault, son," my dad said, taking my much bigger hand in his. "We both want to switch back. Please help us do so."

"No. Not gonna do it. Not til you give him all your knowledge."

"But I want to go back to school!"

"Dude, you have the chance to be a grownup. Just take it."

"Something you're forgetting. If you have adult knowledge, then you must know about sex. Dads and moms have sex with each other. THAT is my son. He is not going to have sex with his mother. And unless you're on Jerry Springer, NO ONE is twisted enough to think that's ever going to happen. "

"What's Jerry Springer, dad?"

"I'll tell you when you're older. know what I mean."

"Please, Kyle?"

"Fine." he huffed. "I was just trying to give you something cool, George? Okay, how about this? I'm gonna give George the ability to be someone else. Whoever he wants. It has to be a grown up you know. You need a piece of clothing and you need to give it to him to turn into that person. You didn't tell him how I did it, right?"

"No," I looked guiltily down at dad. "He said not to!" I protested before he could even say anything.

"If that is what it takes, fine. You can give George the ability to turn into a grownup. BUT only if he wants to. And only if he agrees to it."

"He has to, or I'm not gonna fuckin' do it."

"Why do you even care about me doing it? I mean, dude, look at you. You're huge and all but we can't stay this way."

"Oh I can do whatever I want. When my mom comes back I'll tell her I'm getting a divorce and I'm gonna keep my fuckin' huge arms."

"What? Dude, she's your mom."

"Stepmom. You don't know anything, George."

"Look, I'm not going to interfere in whatever is going on here. Because I can't. No one would believe me in a million years," Dad said. "But look at your father. He's scared. He's been reduced to a child. You have his maturity or at least some of it now. Use it. Try thinking about how he feels. If he's more like a child now, he feels the way you used to. Now I know your family might have it's problems, but you don't want to become what you hate. Believe me. I've seen that happen before."

"Nice try. I'm gonna make my dad be a little kid and I'm gonna whoop his ASS if he doesn't do what I fuckin' tell him to."

"Okay, I tried. Can you switch us back now?" Dad said. Kyle's voice with Bob inside started whimpering and he fell onto the rug crying into a pillow.

"You gotta let him turn into an adult so he can still hang out with me."

"OHHHH I get it. Dad, he's afraid we won't be friends anymore if he becomes an adult."

"Yes, this was the entire plot to Big. Minus the more fucked up elements."

"What's Big?"

"Never mind. I'll rent it from Netflix. I suppose your uncle has some clothes but this has to be his choice. George?"

"Okay! I mean. I can be Uncle George sometimes but I gotta go to school, too, Kyle!"

"If you miss it so much, fine. I ain't goin' back!"

"So you'll swap us."

"Yeah, but I hid the stuff. You'll have to be your dad for one more day and come back tomorrow."

"Another day? Another day!"

"I can give you the spell so you can take your dad's knowledge. That way you can go to work tomorrow. Then afterwards, you guys can swap back. Deal?"

"Is..that okay, dad?"

"I really can't miss work anymore this week. I can't believe I'm about to say yes to this."

"Cool. Just sign this paper. It already has the spell but you have to agree to give him your adult knowledge. He'll give you his kid knowledge."

Dad and I looked at each other. We both signed.

And like that I got a bit dizzy and it was like coming out of a fog.

"How you feel, bro?"

"Okay, I guess. I really need a cigarette, though," I said. I fished for the Camels I usually kept in my pocket. Wait. I don't smoke, I'm only 9! "Dad, can you wait for me outside, please?" Dad looked up at me.

"I..I can't remember what my job even is."

"It's logistics. Don't worry, dad. I'll be sure and take care of everything tomorrow. Please just meet me outside."

"Hey, are you still whining, Bob? Get the fuck up to your room." Kyle said, imposingly. Bob trudged upstairs in his new little Kyle form.

I lit up a cigarette and took off my shirt. It was hot and I was fucking tired.

"God, I needed that all day." I blew out smoke. "Holy crap, I'm smoking! Dude, I'm smoking!"

"Yeah, it takes a while to adjust. Just wait til you get to your dad's work. It's a fucking trip. So you want that beer now?" He smiled.

"No, dad was right. I mean, I was right. I mean... my wife. I would smell it on my breath. I'm supposed to be sick. I need to get home. Thanks for the help. Can you swing by my place tomorrow at the same time?" I continued to take a drag and blow smoke.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Just remember. You need to be a grownup sometimes to hang out with me. I don't want us to stop being friends."

"Don't worry, dude. It's cool. Have a good night, brother." I realized I sounded a lot more mature. I walked Dad home.

"I don't feel like me. Like all my knowledge about my job...I just...I can remember being a kid and a little bit about college. It's like I can't access anything recent. Not my jobs or meeting your mother..."

"Don't worry," I told him. He started to cry.

"It's not fair!" his voice cracked severely. I put my cigarette out. I picked him up.

"It's going to be okay, big guy. We aren't like them. I'll get us back to normal. I love you, Daddy. It's going to be okay."

"You promise?" Dad sniffed.

"Yeah. And if Kyle doesn't give us our right bodies back, I'll kick his ass.

"Okay. Thanks, son." He sniffed.

Our roles had changed so suddenly I didn't even know what to think. I went home, and smiled wearily to my"wife". I gave him a big hug and we said our prayers, I had him brush his teeth and take a bath, and then I put Brian and my dad to bed. I turned on his nightlight so I wouldn't get scared. The next thing I knew, the alarm was going off. I had to get up, take a shower real quick, put my work clothes on (and I knew how to tie a tie now!). I told my mom I had a 24 hour thing and that I was starting to feel better. I grabbed a quick breakfast. As my dad and I got in the car, he asked: "Are you really going to drive? Can you drive now?"

"Yeah, don't worry. I got it covered."

"Of course he can drive, he's Daddy!" Brian laughed, his mirth making me smile. My little guy.

"I love you so much. Give me a hug!" I said, even though dad shrugged it off. "No, dad. I don't want the other kids to see."

"Did you just call me dad?"

"Yeah. But..only if someone overheard," he said suddenly. His eyes widened and he ran off with his backpack. I walked Brian to his kindergarted class and gave him a big, big hug. He wasn't too big for that yet, thank goodness.

"I'll miss you so much! Be a good boy!"

"Thanks, Daddy! I love you! Bye!" he waved dramatically.

I realized I was feeling like I had become dad in many ways. Maybe that explained Kyle. If Kyle's dad was a jerk then maybe Kyle had absorbed his personality traits as well as his knowledge. Maybe the magic was much more powerful than he expected.

But don't worry, dad, I thought as I drove to my first day of work in the adult world. I will fix this, or my name isn't Wayne Conway!

Friday, November 17, 2017

The Grown Up Clothes Club

My name is George Conway and I'm only 9. But this is my story. I know it's totally unbelievable. I'm just a kid. Just an average kid. I play softball. I go to school and I'm in the 4th grade. I totally get annoyed by my little brother, who is 5 and he is a total spaz. Not at all like I was. Because let's face it, older brothers have to be mature. And I'm like, really mature. My dad is this really successful business owner type guy and he owns like five bars. And I can't go there because like, I'm not 21 or whatever. But like, my life is totally cool. I have good friends but my brother is the only thing that really sucks. He was always interfering. He wanted to join us and then he'd do stupid things like ruin our fun by tattling on us. Like, we went for a bike ride and saw this old house and went inside and I totally didn't even know he followed us. Well he told my dad and he grounded me. I was so mad!

Anyway, my friend went back to that old house (everyone says it's haunted but I don't think that because that's stupid) and he said he found something incredible. So he comes over and I'm like, dude I'm totally grounded, you can thank my stupid brother. And he's like no you don't understand, dude. I have the answer to all our problems. And I'm like really? Because I'm grounded so unless you can get my dad to UN-ground me, I still have problems. And he just smiled this weird smile.

So he comes in and he's not supposed to be there and my brother sees him and I'm like Brian, I swear to God if you tattle this time...and he starts pleading with me to forgive him. Ugh. I hate him so much! He always does this. He says he didn't want to tattle on me and that mom tracked him down with GPS but if he hadn't followed me, she wouldn't have followed him, and then he wouldn't have spilled his guts about me being in a totally cool not-haunted house. And it isn't tresspassing. I happen to be an urban explorer. I heard that term on TV and I looked it up. It is an adventure thing. I am an adventurer. My parents just do not understand adventure. They do not understand me at all. But I'm getting away from the main story.

So, Kyle grabs me and says we don't have much time and I'm like what are you even talking about? And he says trust me and practically drags me to my room because he's running so fast. So we get to my room and he starts babbling about how he went back to the house and there was a ghost (yes I know that's stupid) who told him that he had a chest full of magical items (yes, I know how that sounds because I just looked at him the same way, like he was full of doody) and that he should take it and keep them safe before someone evil took them.

"So let me get this straight. A ghost came to you in the house."


"And the ghost told you that you could take his box of magic things to your house."

"Yeah! Only it was too heavy so I just stuffed things inside my backpack and brought them back to my room. I had to make two trips, dude."

"And they do magic. Like Harry Potter."

"No, Harry Potter doesn't do magic. Harry Potter is like 40 now and he isn't even Harry Potter. He never did magic. Those movies are stupid and this is real." He said this in his most convincing voice. Kyle took off his backpack. He pulled out a suit and pants and a shirt. They looked like his dad's clothes.

"So...your dad's clothes are magic."

"No, those aren't magic. THIS is magic." He pulled out a really old fashioned pen and a bottle of ink.

"So, this is like Harry Potter! Dude, I have a computer."

"First of all, Harry Potter used quills, which were stupid. This is a magic pen. Totally different."

"Kyle, what do you want?"

"Just. Watch." He said, and took out a totally new pad of art paper. "You have to write down your name and the name of the person who you want to look like." He dipped the pen and wrote (really badly because we were not born in the 1800s) his name in print: Kyle DiPaolo and his father's name Bob DiPaolo. "Then you take the paper and fold it and put it inside a piece of clothing belonging to the person you want to turn into.

"You want to turn into your dad? Won't that happen when you become old anyway? Why not just wait?" Did I happen to mention I'm incredibly funny beyond my years? Well it's true. I was smiling and he wasn't. Instead, he took off his shirt and pants until he was just in his undies.

"Sorry. These have to go, too. Turn the other way."

"Kyle, are you serious? This is...I just..."

"Please? Please please please just turn around?" he whined.

"Ugh. Fine," I groaned and turned around.

"Okay, you can look now," he said after a minute. I turned around and he was dressed but swimming in his dad's clothes. He perched himself on my bed. "I put my dad's boxers on, too. It's kinda gross but last time I outgrew my own undies and that did NOT feel good."

"Yeah, I hate it when that happens. So..."

"Just give it a minute. It happens quick. Oh!"

He started to change at that point and things got freaky. He started to look different in his face. His 9 year old face started to look a bit bigger, the shape of his head was changing. He laid back on my bed and groaned slightly. Then he sat back up. He looked like he was twelve. He stood up. He was still swimming in his dad's clothes, but now...he was a full head taller than me.

"Just wait until you see HAPPens auICK," he said, trying to get the words out, but his voice was cracking. He massaged his Adam's apple, which was popping out, no...enlarging. He started to move...up. He adjusted his pants by hiking them up. He grew and grew until his hands popped out of the suit and shirt sleeves and he adjusted his suit a bit. He was now towering over me by at least a foot and a half. I stared at his waist level now. He shuffled around on his feet, the grown up pants now fitting him nicely. "That's a little bit more like is," he said, his voice having dropped at least two octaves. His face was still young but not for long, and next a five o clock shadow grew in and his face contorted. His head changed shape again and he grew older. Now he looked like he was in high school, with stronger bones and now college. His hairline receded quickly. His face started to wrinkle and age and before I knew it I was staring up at Kyle's dad's face.

"Didn't I tell you, dude?" Kyle's father said in Kyle's father's voice.

" dad. Is this a magic trick? I mean, am I TV or something?"

"Dude, no. Don't be stupid. I mean, really?" It was his dad's voice but his attitude.


"It's totally me, dude."

"So...I mean..."

"The best part is, if I get naked I'm still totally going to look like my dad."

"Please don't do that!"

"Ew. Dude. You worry too much and stuff." Definitely his father's voice but definitely Kyle trapped inside of it.

Kyle's dad sat down in front of me. "But like, I do wanna show you my muscles now. I'm huge, dude! And look, I even dad's...tattoos...unh." he said, as he removed the suit and shirt real quickly. "And look dude, I have chest hair! So cool!" He was giddy. He flexed his arms only slightly, looking at them as if for the first time. He rubbed his stubble in wonder, then looked at me expectantly for a reaction.

"So, what should I call you now?"

"Why don't you call me by my name,  young man? Call me Mr. Di Paolo. Or Sir." He cracked up, his static-sounding voice snickering and guttural, unable to contain himself. This was Bob's voice but totally out of character. He wouldn't roll around in glee, last time I checked.

"You're right. This thing does work. So...why do you want to look like your dad?"

"I don't, but I mean I kind of do because then everyone will think that I'm a grown-up." He got up and swung around in a circle but then tripped and fell over and caught himself before he went flat. "Sorry, I'm still getting used to being totally tall and stuff." He brushed his chest hair still not used to the feeling of it. "Plus, how cool is it that I can go into bars now? I can drink beer now!"

Just at this point, the door knocked.

"Come back later, Brian!"

"I heard Kyle's dad in there! Why is he in there?!" Brian shouted out his thoughts, broadcasting to the entire world the way he always did. Damn five year old brothers.

"Because...he's on speakerphone!" I panicked. "Go away! I'm still angry at you!"

"Please forgive me, George! I'm really, really sorry!" Brian cried dramatically, the door thumping as he threw his five year old frame against it.

I glared daggers at Kyle, who for some reason was looking smug. "Change back" I mouthed. "Now. Now Now Now Change Back CHANGE BACK" I silently but emphatically mouthed.

"Oh, right," he whispered. The door knocked again.

"Please, George, you have to forgive me, I'm your brother!" Brian yelled emphatically. Just then Mom's car drove up. Oh yeah. Because she was only gone for like, fifteen minutes and I was under instruction not to let anyone into the house.

"I am going to be grounded!" I seethed.

"I thought you already were grounded, George!" my brother yelled from the other side of the door. Meanwhile Kyle was changing into his own shirt, which was strained against his new bulk. He stuffed the piece of magic paper inside the shirt. "You have to turn around now," he whispered. I bared my teeth at him in annoyance and did so, and behind me he kicked off his dad's pants and then he started to shrink. Soon he was himself again. He tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around to see my now me-sized friend again. Brian had gone off, presumably to tattle on me to my mother and I didn't have much time. Kyle got his dad's clothes in his backpack again and I ventured out, telling him to wait until the coast was clear. My mother went straight to the kitchen so I helped her get grocery bags in.

"Thank you, very much, George. You are still grounded, though." This was the perfect opportunity. She had to put groceries away. Brian was currently pawing through the groceries to gawk at any potential sweets.

"Okay, well I guess I'll go do something else, then," I said hurriedly as she tsked at me. Brian was conveniently asking for cookies and Mom was saying no. I knew this routine and had only minutes. I ran back upstairs and told Kyle to very quietly make his escape. Downstairs (quickly but quietly) and then I opened the door and he ran out. I quietly shut it and nearly collapsed from relief.

I didn't see Kyle the next day at school, which was odd. I hoped he didn't do something stupid, but he was stupid, so he probably did something stupid.

So the next day I'm getting my bike and riding it out of the parking lot after school ends. I live really nearby our school so my parents started to let me ride my bike this year. I am totally deserving of this privilege and I am not like these brats who always want their parents to take them places. I can't wait until I can drive so I can go wherever I want to. That will be awesome.

Then I get a call from a number I don't recognize.

"It's me, dude!" Kyle's dad's voice. Bob's voice. But Bob?

"Mr. Di Paolo?"

"Yeah, it's Mr. Di Paolo. Dude, it's me, Kyle. I'm my dad again!"

"Are you insane? You're going to get caught if you keep doing this!"

"Dude, this is so awesome. My mom had some surprise work thing or whatever and she had to leave for a week and this never happens! So I slipped my baseball cap onto my dad's head when he was asleep and he totally changed into me! By the way, my dad sleeps in his boxers and that means the spell only uses the most recent piece of clothing you put on, which is totally cool and makes it way easier because then-"

"Wait. Wait wait wait. Your dad. YOUR DAD IS NOW YOU. HE NOW LOOKS LIKE YOU??" I suddenly became paranoid and looked around me as I was walking my bike. Luckily, no one overheard me.

"Yeah, he has no idea how I did it. Dude, it's so awesome. You need to come over here. I already asked your mom real nicely to unground you. But she wouldn't. So just come over here and I'll turn you into your dad and then you can unground yourself!"

"I'm...I...wait. You are gonna change back, right?"

"Duh! Totally. But Dad thinks I don't know how cause I'm totally playing dumb and I'm calling in sick to work. Ha! This is the best!"

"Dude, your dad has to go to work. What if he gets fired?"

"Nah, he never gets sick. They told me to take all week...if I need to," he added smugly.

"Oh my god. I am...I'm going home."

So I went home. My mother wouldn't budge from grounding me for a month and neither would my father. I waited for him to come home and he just could not have cared less. He was only stressed out about work. Which is grown up stuff, so hopefully I didn't mess things up too bad for him if this worked. I phoned Kyle as soon as I got to my room.

I went downstairs in a few hours. I crept outside really quickly and looked in the mailbox. He'd done it! He had written my name (badly, wow kids from our time really can't write with an old ink pen) George Conway and my father's name, Wayne Conway on two separate pieces of paper. Good job, buddy. I just hope this doesn't backfire. I hope this works. I just don't want to be grounded for a month. I crept into the laundry room which is small and reeks of detergent. Found one of dad's socks. Perfect. Since the magic needed (it seemed) only the slightest touch of clothing, I figured I could wear my dad's sock and for him I'd just drape a sock over him and put the piece of paper under it.

This would not be easy because of Mom. Darn Mom! Why must she ruin my plans to become an urban explorer! It's the way I will become famous and get my own TV show, by proving haunted houses are not that scary, even if they are filled with ghosts. Admiring fans will write to me from all across the nation and oh my gosh dad was asleep on the couch. Okay.

So...I sort of lied to my mother and told her that I saw a really big dog in our yard, and then I went to work  I slipped my sock on dad's hand and sort of wrapped it around (the best I could do) and then I put his sock on me, which was a bit roomy to say the least, as it went all the way up my leg to my knee and slipped the second piece of paper inside.

When Mom came back in I got on the couch and pretended to be snuggling with Dad for cute 9 year old son reasons (I know..I'm so devious) in the hopes she would leave us alone. I pretended to be falling asleep. She turned the light off. It worked. Oh my gosh it worked. I can't believe it worked. See, she didn't risk waking either of us up because Dad had such a hard day at work and he was so stressed and he was losing sleep so she was just going to go to bed! Mwahaha!

And then I felt myself growing. Oh shit. I forgot. I was still wearing my clothes and I was going to outgrow them. I very carefully took myself out from under Dad's arm (he was so he was a deep sleeper) and proceeded to take off my shirt, which was feeling very snug. Thank goodness Brian was already in bed!

I grew in the dark and it was a weird feeling. It didn't feel real. Like I was in a dream. I could see my dad changing in the very dim light. Like his hands had disappeared from the cuff of his shirt. So cool. My heart beat faster. I realized my stance had definitely changed. The room was different somehow. I made my way to the laundry room. I needed to find more of dad's clothes. I managed to find some underwear, which was good because I was totally in need of some. Mine barely fit. I turned the light on to see better and realized I could see the shelf and I could never see the shelf before! Wow. This was working. Wow. Okay. So next I put on dad's underwear and it actually fit me almost. And that is when I noticed penis...was huge. Like, I really thought of myself as very smart but it scared me because I didn't even know your penis got big like that. My dad's penis was...big. Let's just say it surprised me.

"Wow," I uttered. Not my voice. A deep, growly voice. A man's voice. Wow. Wow! I was covered with hair. Chest hair all over. Not that long but I was suddenly very proud of it. I felt my cheeks. My face felt so different! Not just covered with stubble (which I was suddenly also very proud of) but hard jawed and just stronger feeling. I was almost as tall as the door to the laundry room. How tall was I?? My underwear fit now. I rushed back to dad and he was now me. I turned the light back on. His angelic little face (I suddenly realized I really do look angelic while I sleep. Awww! I'm adorable!) swimming in a crisp shirt and red tie way too big for him and pants and belt. It was comical and adorable.

So...I could let him wake up and freak out but I'm very smart for a nine year old and I thought well if I do that then it would be bad but it's worse if I wake him up now. So, oh well? This plan was not very good, maybe. Wait, no. Don't doubt. Make it work. That's what dad always says. So...make it work being dad and stealing his body for a day so I can unground...myself.

This turns out not to have been a good plan. I turned the light off and got back on the couch and tried to get some sleep. Dad was small so there was plenty of room for my now very tall and hairy body. But then I guess I was being shaken because I woke up.

"What! Wha! Dad!" The light was on again.

"Son? Is that you? This can't be happening. I think I must have taken drugs by accident."

"No, I just switched our bodies," I said casually waking up. Man, was I ever tired. Being an adult was hard work so far!

My face could not have looked more shocked and angry. Wow, I'm capable of looking really angry.

"Tell me everything. I have to oversee an entire department and there is no way that can happen now because I look like I need recess more than a portfolio. And start talking. Because either you're telling the truth or I'm having a stroke."

"Dad, keep your voice down. You'll wake up Mom," I whispered.

"Your mother. Oh my god," he moved his hand inside his now huge shirt. "I can't be my 9 year old son and undo this, whatever this is I don't like this." He looked a bit bewildered.

"My clothes are over there," I said quietly. "Be quiet, okay?"

"You just switched bodies with me and you want me to be quiet??" he seethed back in a whisper.

I helped him put on my clothes and he made me turn around, as if I haven't seen my penis before (what a prude!) so I rolled my eyes til he was done. I was standing way over him. He put on my shoes. "Outside. NOW."

Uh oh. Now I was in total trouble. I couldn't be dad forever and he was super pissed to wake up in the middle of the night as me, which I guess makes sense. So I put my dad's clothes on because it was cold. I had on his shirt but not the tie and I put on his dress shoes and pants and smiled a little to myself as I grabbed his leather jacket from the rack and we stepped out into the night air. He had my blue jacket on from the closet. He walked me to the lawn near the sidewalk.

"Alright, mister," he said in the sternest voice a nine year old ever uttered. "Start talking. How did you do this?"

"I have to say, you are taking this really well."

"I've seen a lot of movies. We're sending a man to Mars and I'm familiar with singularity theory so I'm up for anything. I'm a very smart man, George. Now tell me how this happened."

"Okay well I'm smart too, just so you know."

"Yes. I know that."

"And I just didn't think it was fair that you grounded me, cuz I'm going to get rich by being an urban explorer, so I thought if I was you I'd tell mom we were going to unground you. Then I'd go back to being me."

"And if I just decide to ground you again anyway?"

Oh man, oh darn. I didn't think of that part! Crap. Oh crap.

"You didn't think of that, did you, George?"

"Nnnnnnnnnnnooooo?" I thought carefully.

"Okay. Here's the deal. I'm willing to overlook this. I am hoping this is actually just a nightmare but in case it isn't, and I'm almost certain it's a hallucination of some kind and that I am on drugs by accident because someone at work left acid tabs in my coffee...just in case it isn't and I actually have switched bodies with my nine year old pre-pubescent son, I need to switch back now so I can go to work tomorrow. You have no idea how to be an adult at all, George. Do you?"

"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnoooo? Sort of? I mean if I was an adult I could just be an urban explorer and make money and-"

"Would you shut up about being an urban explorer!"

"Dad! That's my thing! Mom and you are stopping me from my dream!" I said, getting angry and stomping my foot, which now that I look back on it might not have been very mature.

"Okay. Let's just do it now and get it over with before your mother wakes up."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I just didn't want to be grounded," I whined, following him even though I was much taller than him. It was so cool. I could see way over my dad's head, haha!

Only we got to the living room and my Mom switched the light on.

"What are you guys doing? It's 11:30 at night. Honey, he should be in bed.

"Dear, we were just..."

"I had a bad dream. I mean, he did." Mom looked at me strange. "He did. Dad did. I mean, George did. Which is not me. I'm not George."

"George, so upstairs to your room. Now. Scoot," Mom shooshed Dad away upstairs. He gave me a look of desperation from the stairs and she ushered him up, then came back down to greet me.

"I appreciate you taking the time to comfort him after a nightmare but it's freezing outside, honey."

Honey? Oh boy. Barf.

"Oh. Sorry. Dear?"

"Just come to bed. We'll talk about it tomorrow."

I followed her helplessly. I got into bed and she insisted that I take off my jacket and I pretended like I was really tired. She took the jacket off and I managed to keep my dad's pants on. Which now that I look back on it was a good thing. She put her arms around my chest. Ugh. Gross. I had my dad's night shirt on that she had handed me and I could feel her hand press against my chest and my chest hair prickled and my beard was a weird feeling against dad's pillow. I wonder if he would be able to sleep as me. I fell fast asleep.

The alarm went off and I felt like doody. I really didn't want to get up. I had no energy at all. Ugh. Being an adult felt horrible!

I was basically in a daze. just walking around while Mom was off getting dad ready for school. For school? Oh no. No! It was at this very inconvenient moment I picked off a plastic penis off the floor and put it on the bed. Why did dad have a plastic penis? Grown ups are So. Weird.

I managed to get my shirt off and stumble around in a daze. I looked at myself in the mirror in daylight for the first time. This was really crazy. I looked just like my dad! I went into the living room to get the pieces of paper, but I couldn't find them. They must have fallen in the couch. Or somewhere under it. I put my shirt back on and found some jogging shorts of Dad's that at least covered up how big my penis had gotten now. And harder. Why was it hard?

"Dear, what are you doing? You need to be out of here in 30 minutes."

"For what?"

"Uh, for work?"

"Oh. I can't go to work. I'm sick."

"Yeah. Sure you are. Me too." Mom laughed.

Oh no. Oh no. Ohhhhh nooooooo.

Dad looked at me from my body as he ate cereal at the breakfast table and boy was he was furious.

"Hi, Daddy!" Brian said. And came over and hugged my leg.

"Ugh. Stop!"

"Daddy what's wrong?" Brian looked like he was going to cry. Oh, right. I'm his Daddy now.

"Dad, don't you think maybe you're just really tired?" Dad said in my body and mouthed quietly "BE NICE BE NICE TO YOUR BROTHER" and nodded down.

"Oh. Sorry, sweetie. Daddy's tired and he's got a big day ahead of him." I apologetically looked over to Dad.

"So, DAD. Have you fixed that PROBLEM YET?"


"NO? It seemed like a really BIG problem that we should fix this morning."

"You're grownded still huh, George?" Brian said, his five year old smile growing suspiciously.


"No, he isn't. I UNGROUNDED him!" I said triumphantly.

"Dear, get some clothes on. Hurry. What is with you today?"

"Oh, dunno. Just...feeling...not myself." I shook my head. I went to the living room one more time to look for the slips of paper that I now desperately needed. Nope. Not there.

"What are you looking for?"

"I thought I dropped some cash last night," I said panicking.

"Get it later."


"Mommy, why is George ungrownded?"

"He is grounded."

"I ungrounded him," I said quickly. "Long story. We had a really long talk about it, though." I dashed off to Dad's room. Oh god oh god oh god. I don't know how to tie a tie. I don't know anything about dad's work. Wait, where does dad even work?

I got a shirt on and chose the tie I liked best, which happened to be a Hawaiian shirt pattern with pineapples and papayas on it, because it was the coolest. Dad came into the room and shut the door and ran over.

"Why aren't we changed back yet!"

"I need the slips of paper. They had our names on them." Boy, talking in this rough adult voice actually made me feel sort of adult. "Hey, how do you tie a tie?"

"You are not wearing that!" Dad grabbed the tie and threw it in the closet. He snatched an ugly tie with plaid pink squares. Yuck. He fastened it around his neck and made the knot and then put it around me and tied it very quickly. "Where are they?"

"They were on us, they have to touch you so they have to be around the couch somewhere."

"Jesus H. Christ, kid," Dad said in my kid body. Then he dashed off. I got Dad's pants on. Did I need Dad's wallet? It was on his dresser. Wow, I can reach the dresser! Cool! I opened the wallet and noticed there was hundreds of dollars inside it! Wow! I mean, yes an adult like me would have money in his adult wallet, of course, of course. Dad rushed in.

"There were no papers."

"Hey, maybe I should go to work for you, it can't be that hard."

"Are you out of your MIND?"

"Duh, that's why I'm like six feet seven."

"It's six one, but I am flattered." Dad admitted.

"Okay, so what do we do? Mom won't believe that I'm sick, she's too smart."

"Okay, okay. We'll call an Uber. Say you have to run. Take the car keys. Go in the car. Pretend that you've tried to actually start the car and then come RIGHT back and say you have to call an Uber. Go." He fiddled with his phone and not mine while I did just like he said.

Only...when I got to the car I really felt it. I was a grown up. With a beard. And I was in the driver's seat. I smiled giddily to myself, and then I pictured myself dying in a car crash. Oh yeah. I don't know how to drive. Never mind. Stupid dad ruining my fun at being taller than him.

So long story short, Dad told me to do exactly as he said. He told me to drink some coffee (it was horrible but he deathglared me so I smiled and did) and comb my hair so I don't look like a bum.

Before I knew it the Uber was coming. Dad had my backpack and school clothes on and I was wearing a suit! I had to wear a suit jacket on top of my shirt and tie to complete the totally adult look I had going for me today.

"Hey wait, where are we going?" I asked.

"To wherever you got those papers."

"Oh right. Um. Yeah. I forget."

"No you don't. Listen to me you little shit!"

"Dad! You never let me use bad words! You shouldn't say that, besides it sounds weird coming from you. Hey, can I curse now?"

"NO. Alright. Fine. Neither of us will curse," Dad put on his pretend-happy voice. "So. DAD. Where did you get the body switching spell."

But I couldn't tell him it was Kyle because then what if he said I could never be friends with him again! He's my bestest buddy!

"Okay, promise you won't be mad."

"We are so far past that scenario."

"Okay, cool. Wait, is that good or bad?"

"TELL ME WHERE YOU GOT THE MAGIC TO SWITCH OUR BODIES!" Dad shouted, losing his patience with me, just as some middle aged woman was walking her dog past us, and looked at us through huge sunglasses.
"We're in a play," Dad told her. "Practice." The woman "ohed" and was off again.

"Okay, I have an idea. You can go to school and be me. Then..I'll go and get the magic spell and then we can switch back later after school is over."

"NO! No! And no! I have to go to work!"

"Okay, how about I go to work for you. Then you go to school. Then we meet up after and I can get the magic spell and THEN we switch back!" The Uber came. We got in the car. I suddenly realized adults have all the power. I had all the power!

"Valley Elementary School first for my son," I said smiling.

"Dad? Don't you mean your friend's house first?"

"No, son. We can do that later!" I gave him a friendly pat on the back. Dad tried to whisper pleas in my ear to change my mind. I whispered back "sorry" and then wore Dad's winning smile, which probably looked at him more like "oh my god I'm sorry and in so much trouble."

Dad must have been shitting himself.

"It's room 35."

"I know where it is," he mumbled back. He got out of the car and gave me a death glare. I waved goodbye cheerfully.

"OH hey wait, Dad!...uh...Dad needs a hug, son!" I got out and bent down to hug him. "Where do you work again?"

"McKee Enterprises. A subdivision of Ergonomics Unlimited, which is a subdivision of MorphCorps Dynamics."

"Wait, what?"

"Inside your wallet there's business cards with my name on them. Hand one of those to the driver and he'll take you right there. I'm in an office on the third floor. To the right. Room 316. Just do not speak to anyone and fake getting sick at work, okay Dad?" He clenched my cheek a little too tightly. Wow, I get to go to Dad's work! I'm going to be an adult today. I got back in the Uber car. Hey! Maybe if I stay Dad longer I can do some urban exploring and go to the abandoned train station I read about on the internet! There was also an abandoned mine and an abandoned theme park and a bunch of haunted houses that I'd always begged him to take me to but nooooooo it was always "I can only take you safe places because yooooou're just a kid!" Well, not now so take that Dad! And I mean it's not like I could possibly mess this up. I was totally smart and mature so I could pull off a day of being Dad. Or more. What was it he did again? Managed something? In an office? Oh well, I'd figure it out when I got there.

The Uber let me off and I walked around on the street. I was as tall as all the other adults! Or taller! Oh wait that one guy is taller than me. But I'm not the short kid looking up at all the adults! Cool! Oh wait I guess I should call Kyle and tell him I need more spell words on paper.

And then it suddenly hit me that I really wasn't sure what adults did. Would I have to do long division when I got to Dad's office? Oh man anything but long division. Oh no. What if it's harder than long division? Dad says everyone uses math in the real world!

I looked at Dad's big building. Okay, here I go. I'm going to totally be Dad. I hope I don't mess up or anything. Wait, what am I saying? I'm an adventurer! I can totally do this. I just hope Dad can survive fourth grade. I do have an awful lot of responsibilities there. He better not mess up my reputation.