“Whheeeeeeeeeeee! Daddy, this feels really good!” my son says.
“Oh..my...OH GOD, Danny! Daniel Anthony Conrad, you get off that machine right now!” I tried to say as sternly as I could inside my nine year old son’s body. Which was becoming increasingly difficult!
“Daddy, this feels amazing! My penis keeps getting big on the washing machine! And look when I touch it...it creams like a creamsicle! It’s like ice cream is coming out!”
“Oh my god. Oh my god.” I started hyperventilating. “Put some clothes on!”
“Just do it.” I brought him into the living room, by tugging his hands much as I used to do with him until just recently. I collected the grown up underwear and pants he had ditched and he reluctantly put them on.
“Now look, we have to get you acting more grown up, okay? You can’t get naked like that in front of me because you’re the adult now. Adults have to be appropriate around children. SO look, I’ll give you the rundown on puberty. I should have had this talk with you by now. I mean I think you can handle it, even though...oh god. Okay, you have a man’s body and when you turn into a man...as you have, obviously.” My son grinned widely in my body as we sat side by side on the now enormous-for-me couch. He looked unbelievably wide-eyed as he stared at everything with new eyes, trying to take in his environment, not believing he was looking down on his own father, way down. And looking around the living room from way up top like he’d always dreamed of, since forever.
“Daddy, this is so cool!” Danny shouted, pumping his arms up and down and jumping up and down as he sat like a hyperactive nine year old who just happened to look 35.
“I know. I know it’s cool. I miss being cool. I really miss it. Okay, so we have swapped bodies and that means you didn’t start at the age of 13 or 14 when boys become men biologically and medically.” My nine year old voice sounded as authoritative as a nine year old’s voice can.
“Boy, I really feel good, Daddy. Look how big I am! And the crowd goes wild for Danny Conrad whaaaaaaaa!” My son began to dance again, and pretend he was playing baseball. “I can play baseball with big boys now huh, Daddy! They wouldn’t let me play but now that I’m you, I can play with them!”
“Those ‘big kids’ as you put them are a lot younger than you now, champ!” I tried to pull him down back onto the couch but he ignored me! I tried to get a hold on his arms but he just smiled and twirled me around and horseplayed with me. I found myself really enjoying it. Yay! This is fun! I’m running after my son who is now me. I mean who cares! He looks like me! Hey, come back here!
He took off his pants again and stared at me with a smile in front of the fridge as he got out a beer and started drinking from it.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN’T DRINK BEER!” I screamed at him.
“Yes, I can!” he yelled back enthusiastically and happily. “Cause I’m a grown up now! Danny Conrad is a grown up! Whaaaaaaaaa!” he said, still making audience sounds for his imaginary fans in a baseball stadium. Baseball and beer were my son’s life! Wait. What? What? Why did I have that thought just now? So what if my son wanted to have a beer? I sure couldn’t. He was well past my age, yessirree. That’s my dad. I mean son. Son. He’s my son. Not my dad. Whoo! Where is my head going?!
“Son, stop drinking that beer. You’re still only nine deep down in there.” He was wearing pants again now, as if he had never taken them off.
“No I’m not! I’m 35, Dad! I had you when I was only 26! Your mother and I were SO happy!”
“Wait. No. You shouldn’t drink beer. I should drink beer.” I said in my super cool nine year old voice.
He laughed a guffaw. “Oh, you should. You should drink beer. Well, you know what? I’m gonna let you HAVE a sip.” He grinned and looked away in the other direction, and handed me the beer. Wow! Beer! Wait I’ve had beer. I started drinking when I was…when I was…wait, I’ve never had beer! I’m only…
“Dad, I’m only nine! Really???” He grinned okay go ahead. Wow. My Dad was gonna let me drink beer! No way! Cool! I sip it and holy god it’s sour and grosssss! I spit it out on the floor and Dad just laughs at me.
“I guess your taste buds aren’t the same as what they were, huh buddy?” He pats my leg. “Now where are those cigars?” He stands up with his beer. I take the bottle and put it on the coffee table.
“Wait. No, son sit down. Please. Please?” I implored him. He tugged back and the next thing I knew we were chasing each other around the house again! Hee hee! This is soooo much fun! Daddy! I’m gonna get you! He catches me from behind and pretends he’s a dog and barks behind me playfully. I laugh. He puts me down. God he’s so big now. So tall! He’s the grown up! I chased him some more and then we were panting on the couch looking at each other. He was panting. My son in my body was panting and smiling.
“Whoo! Did you enjoy that, Daddy? I did! It was fun, it was so so so so so much fun, Daddy whooo Daddy! WHoooooooooOOOOOO!” the big man shouted, making me laugh. “It was so funny when he imitated me! Wait, what? Daddy didn’t imitate me. Daddy. I’m Daddy. No, he’s Daddy. No, I am. Wait. Are we playing a game? Am I pretending to be him? Was he just pretending to be me for a split second and I’m actually him? Wait. No. I’m the adult. I was ALWAYS the adult! I am an adult trapped in a nine year old body and I have to get back. I have to teach him, raise him. I have to remember what I was going to say.
“Wait. Wait, champ. Okay. Okay. We have to have the sex talk. I have to give you the talk even though I’m small now and I, this body hasn’t gone through puberty but yours has. So puberty. Your body is going to change. Your dick is going to get bigger. If you’re a man you can say “dick” but it’s not okay for kids to do. You can also call it a “cock”. Those are grown up words so you can say them but I can’t. God, this is confusing!”
“Daddy, are you okay?” he asks in an authoritative voice. “Do you want a glass of water, champ? We were playing pretty hard there.”
“Okay,” I said breathing a little too fast. I had enjoyed playing with Daddy.
“Here ya go. Go easy.” He gives me the glass of water. Yum! “Don’t drink it too fast.” I did as he said. Wow, he’s so big. I love him so much. My big Daddy. I played with Daddy earlier today at the playground!
Daddy is so cool. He’s soooo big. Just look at him…me. I was sitting on that park wall. But I always have to lift myself up there! That’s not possible. I don’t have to reach. I’m a grown man! I was sitting down because I was the one with big muscles! I was the one who went through puberty. Not him! He just got lucky somehow! How did we switch?
“No, I was the dad earlier. Remember? Remember how I was the Dad? I used to be MISTER Conrad?”
“Oh yeah! Haha. I almost forgot about that! So you were gonna tell me about puberty, huh Dad?” He was calling me Dad again. That was good! I think. He used to call me Daddy.
“Wait, so. Let’s sit down.” We do so, in the kitchen this time on the high chairs. Only Daddy’s legs can reach the ground and mine can’t. It’s not fair. I want long legs like Daddy has! “I want some chocolate milk.”
He smiled warmly, so proud of me. He comes back with my very own chocolate milk box. Mmm. Chocolate! “Thanks, Daddy!”
“You’re welcome, bud. You were saying about puberty?” He sounds like me. So grown up and his voice is so deep. Why is a grown up asking me about puberty? I don’t know. I blush. I’m embarrassed.
“So…like, when you grow up and stuff, and become a man. It’s like…there’s like…stuff happens. Your balls get bigger.”
“You mean like these, Dad?”
“Dad? What happened to Daddy? You used to call me Daddy,” I say as he shows me his big balls real quick, smiles with a wink and puts his underwear and pants back on proudly. He grins smugly as he sits back down on the couch, his arms outstretched with a look of relief on his face. Daddy wears his pants and underwear. Aren’t I Dad?
“Look, champ. You’re the little guy here, so I’m just gonna tell you, I think something is happening with our minds here. Do you notice how I’m not speaking with much clearer diction and my vocabulary is increasing to an…exponential! Degree. See? Do you know what exponential means?” He asks very smugly. He is really rubbing my nose in it with that shit eating grin.
“It’s when baby rabbits get together!” I crack up, I heard that joke at school! I sassed him. Sass? I don’t sass. I’m a father, for chrissakes. Children sass. I’m not a child! I’m HIS father. Have to remember!
“OH, you’re very funny, son! But I’m still bigger than you!” He picks me up and tickles me and I laugh and giggle and squeal. He twirls me around again. He’s really loving being the big strong adult!
“I…I’m getting dizzy!” I laugh. And fall down on my butt, which makes me laugh even more! I hiccup with laughter as he laughs with me, hugging me from behind. We put our heads on the floor and smile at each other. It’s so joyous. He’s me and I’m him now. We are both so happy as we look at each other.
“And then you get all hairy,” I say. “When you become a man.”
“Uh huh? And what else happens?” he asks.
“And then um you make babies with a lady!”
He laughs. “Oh man, that’s some pretty advanced material there, sport. Not bad for nine years old. Now, do you want me to tell you what else happens?” I nod my head.
“What, Daddy?” I notice the picture behind him, a photo in a silver frame.
That's me. I think. It's my Daddy. He has such big muscles!
“Well, what happens," my Daddy begins "Next thing that happens is your hormones start to create testosterone.” He gets very serious sounding. His voice is so deep and he’s suddenly very mature. Much more mature than me. I can see it in his eyes and the very sound of his breath. He emanates manhood.
I listen intently.
“It’s the magic ticket to being a man. And your body starts producing it as you hit the age of 13 or 14 usually. Your dick starts to get bigger, that’s what men call your penis. We say “dick” or “cock” but kids aren’t supposed to. Have you ever heard those words before, son?”
I nod my head. “Some of the bigger kids use them at school.”
“Well…they shouldn’t. It’s a bad word for little kid to say.”
“Well cursing makes you look uncouth but those words connote that a man makes sperm. And he makes sperm which comes out of his dick and before that you shouldn’t say dick or cock because you’re not a man yet.”
“So I can say those words when my dick starts to make sperm like yours.”
“Yep. And your sperm, if you are with a woman, and having sex with her. That is, putting your penis inside her vagina. Then, you can make a baby with her. Or it can just be a lot of fun.” He grinned wildly.
“How is it fun, Daddy?”
“Well, you can also do it with men. Men can have sex with each other and hey I know that now. Dad, you’re gay. I mean I’m gay. I’m the Dad now.”
“Daddy?” I say confused. “So how do I make the sperm come out?”
“Okay, so when you have sex, another word you shouldn’t use yet, just wait til this happens and then you can say “sex”. When you have sex, it feels amazing. So amazing. And when it starts happening to you, you don’t have to be with a woman or man. It can happen when you’re alone. It gets really hard and awesome, gets all big and shit.”
“Dad, you’re saying bad words.”
“Dad, not Daddy?”
“I’m 9 now. All the other kids at school just say “Dad” now. I’m not a baby.”
“I know, I know. Okay, you can just call me DAD, not DADDY,” he said in exaggerated tones. He was so funny. I laugh.
“So what happens?”
“You can stay hard for a while. If you’re really lucky and plastered, cause alcohol definitely helps, uh, you can be hard for an hour or more. Or just keep getting hard over and over. It’s awesome. It feels so great and when you start masturbating?” He said, totally comfortable discussing this material with me. “It’s so awesome. And also when you become a man you get to call sperm “cum”. That’s the word when it comes out, too. You are cumming. It’s the best feeling in the world when it squirts out. I know it doesn’t sound like it but just trust me. It’s an explosion of awesome. I just can’t wait for you to get to puberty, and I’ll give you all the privacy you need. Your mother and I are divorced now. It’s just us studs here, right?” I smile. Dad was so cool.
“So are you gay?”
“ME? I’m…actually bisexual. Yes. You know what gay is. It’s like I’m both. So I like guys and girls and your mother is fine with that.”
“Oh. Okay. That’s cool.” I smile. “So what am I?”
“Well you will find out when you start having sexual fantasies. You’ll have those later, so don’t worry about it. I mean, do you ever think about getting with girls?”
I grimace. “With guys?” I grimace. I’m embarrassed.
“Noooo I’m only nine. I’m really smart at everything but that. Yet.” My Dad laughs.
“You are so smart. You are the smartest kid in your class and I’m proud of you. Any day now you’re going to start acting like a really big boy. Just keep trying.”
“Okay, Dad. I love you.” I hug him. He smiles. I used to be his dad. But that’s okay. He’s Dad now. And I’m okay with that. I’m so filled with love for him and I’m happy for him. I get to watch him go to work and try to climb the ladder of success while I depend on him, wait for him to come home, love him and adore him and one day I’ll be just like YOU, Dad!!!
“I love you SO much.” He kisses my head. I look up at him adoringly.
“Do you have any idea how we’ll switch back?”
“I don’t think there’s a way back, champ. I’m your dad now for whatever reason. Something in a wormhole might have done it, and we entered some kind of spatial distortion in the fabric of time where our souls swapped and it’s mysterious and mystical and completely amazing! I mean we switched bodies and now I have all your memories and you have mine. It’s like some kind of miracle in totally astral projection beauty and you have no idea what I’m saying, do you?” I frown and nod no.
“It’s okay. I still love you.”
“I love you, too!” he picks me up and holds me. He has way more muscles now. He has way bigger muscles than I ever had for some reason. Unless it helps him get a boyfriend or something. Yeah, it’s cool that my dad’s gay. Daniel to his friends and he used to be Danny, my little boy. I have to say goodbye to that idea, now. I’ll have to wait to be big again. I was Stanley. Now I’m little Stanny.
“I’m glad you can be the dad now. It was so hard.”
“I know,” he kisses my head once more as we head upstairs so he can help me with my homework, give me a bath and then I’m off to bed. Off to have dreams of the day when I’ll be a grown up muscled up cigar smoking stud just like my Daddy.