Tuesday, April 15, 2014
My Uncle is So Cool
Today the boardwalk is pretty nice and I love strutting my stuff and smoking in public.
Fuck yeah. Feels so good. (puff)
I can't believe everybody treats me like a grown up now! And I'm taller than all the kids who are the size I was!
But let me back up. This is me now:
This is SO cool. Dad would KILL me if he saw me smoking! But he would never say anything about his older brother doing...well, anything! Uncle Mack is letting me be him for the summer and it's awesome! I'm only 13 and I've already been laid! I lost my virginity to this guy who totally sucked me off and he was dad's age! I can make out with grown up guys now, go to the gym and work out my huge biceps and chest or go to a bar and drink beer!
Hold on, my uncle is calling me.
"Hello?" I ask gruffly, taking out my cigar. God I look cool.
"Yeah, uh..UNCLE Mack? Are you alone?"
"What's up, sport?" I asked jovially. I try to stay "in character" and act as him.
"I uh...I sort of made a mistake. I just now tried to switch us back."
"You what? Thought we were staying this way til the end of summer." I took another drag and blew.
"Look, Uncle Mack. I'm really sorry but I found out from my friend, the one I borrowed the spell from, we can't change back til a year goes by. We're stuck like this. Like, real stuck. I'll have to contact you via chat later tonight so my brother doesn't know I'm talking to you. We are going to have to give you a crash course in being a bouncer. You are gonna have to really listen carefully. You are a grown adult and you are going to be expected to know a lot about thugs who drink too much and how to handle yourself in a fight. I'm going to try to convince your folks to let me stay with you more this summer and you'll act real enthusiastic about it. Hello? Donny?"
"Donny's your name," I smiled and took out my cigar again. I really had gotten used to smoking it. "Don't worry about a thing, Donny." I felt so confident in his body. "We'll take it one step at a time. It'll all be fine."
"Okay, kid. You're being real brave here. But you're taking this pretty well, I have to say. Okay, I gotta go, my brother's coming back and I still have to pretend to look up to him. Bye."
I smiled. I had already been thinking how much I wanted to be like my uncle. And I was going to learn to fight and kick guys out of bars. How cool am I going to be? I smoked my cigar pretty satisfied with myself.