Thursday, April 3, 2014

April Fool's Day: 1950 - A Trip Down Memory Lane

"Daddy, do you have to go on your trip for work? I'll sure miss you."

"Oh sweetie," Cliff said to his son Herbie, "Grownups have to do a lot of things they don't want to do."

"You mean like go to bars?"

", that's not what I meant. I meant responsibilities." Cliff lit his pipe.

"Now look, young man. I expect you to be on best behavior while I'm gone. Your aunt has a lot to do between running the malt shop and looking after you."

"I know, pop."

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to see a new client at the office. I'll give you a ride to school, son. Now finish your breakfast."

Cliff drove his innocent young son through their small town, puffing on his pipe peacefully. Herbie adored his father, especially given he had a dead mother. Luckily, his own aunt had moved in to assist with raising the young lad and Cliff provided for the family with his job as a lawyer. 

"Now be good in school today. And remember, no spitting or blowing bubbles with gum in class." Cliff told him. 

"Okay daddy, I promise." Herbie said, and ran off after his friends. Luckily they all enjoyed school and why not, after all the progress being made across the country. The future was a wide open door. Cliff drove his Edsel to work and met with Mr. April. 


"Please, call me Bacchus."

"That's..very Greek sounding."

"Well my family is from there," Mr. April smiled. 

"Now you had a couple of patents you needed some help with."

"Yes, I just want to make sure everything is in proper order."

"Oh my."

"Yes. It's a very special design for a prophylactic."

"A condom? Well you're sure to make money with that. What are you going to call it?"



Over their meeting Mr. April asked him about the photos of his family and he gave a few details. Mr. April asked him to come to his house for an informal dinner party. 

"You can bring your boy. Come tomorrow night."

"Oh well, I think I'll leave him at home with his aunt. I don't want him tuckered out for school."

"Very good. Ah, the good old days, am I right? Childhood. I sometimes wish I could go back to a simpler time for a week or so."

"I know what you mean. He asked me to stay home instead of going on a business trip. We're trying to court a big new company to protect them from frivolous lawsuits. I really wish I could just stay here and play stickball with him and his friends."

It was music to Mr. April's ears. 

The next night, Cliff came over and met Mr. April's associates. None of them seemed very pleasant. They drank their wine and made rude jokes. Mr. April asked Cliff to lag behind after everyone went home and invited him to smoke a cigar.

Mr. April sat in his chair in front of the fireplace and tasted his amazing smelling cigar. 

"Mmmm. This is a great cigar! What brand is it?"

"'s very special. They make them on a tobacco plantation I own."

"You're in tobacco? Well that explains all this," Cliff said. "Your place is amazing. Huge, really. Mmm."

"Now there is one matter we have to talk about. The homosexual man you let go to jail."

"Which one? Most belong there. Many of them are liars and thieves or worse. It's just how things are."

"Well, the one I'm talking about is currently serving a life sentence for murder that he didn't commit. You defended the man who did do it and you knew the entire time."

"Look pal, I don't need to listen to this. I'm leaving. Don't come knocking on my door."

"So testy."

"Lawyers are people, too. We do our jobs. I'm not responsible if the poor sap didn't have a great lawyer and what are you gonna do? The cops love arresting them. I just collect a tab, I don't lock them up."

Mr. April smiled as Cliff left in a fury. 

"But you have tasted my wine, sonny." he said to himself. "And all of my guests will eventually become...something. Centaur, little boy, Bigfoot, minotaur, woman. It's tough being me." He puffed contentedly.

The next day Cliff drove his son to school and stopped by a farm. There was something very odd in the road. Two big boxes. One with the big letters "CLIFF" on it and one with "HERBIE". 

"Gosh ya don't see that every day." 

The two got out of the car. Cliff's jaw dropped as the boxes fell apart. The box that had his name had a pair of children's overalls and Herbie's box had contained a big barrel with instructions saying "Step inside". 

"What is this? Someone's idea of a joke?" Cliff picked up the overalls and immediately there was a WHOOSH! so loud he screamed. His son was looking at him with amazement. "What is it?" Cliff asked in a child's voice.

"'re a kid, Pop!"

"What? Don't be ridicu...lous." Cliff then realized he was looking his son in the eye. 

"Gosh, I wonder what mine will do." Herbie said, climbing into the barrel. WHOOSH!

"Daddy! Daddy? Oh no! I'm tall! And my voice! I sound so different! Where'd my clothes go?

"You? Where'd my suit go? I'm going to sue someone over this!"

"Daddy, do I have to go to your work now? I can't go to school."

"You can't go anywhere naked."

"Daddy, look, I have another box! It's so small I didn't see it."

"I'm just glad no one can see you like this. A little boy turned into a grownup. This is a nightmare! You don't even know how to drive!"

"Yeah, I do! Hey, golly, I know how to drive! This is the best! Hey! It's a bow tie!" WHOOSH!

Suddenly Grown Up Herb was now dressed in a suit and bow tie.

"Gosh!" the incredibly deep voiced man exclaimed.

The boxes and the barrels that had popped out of thin air disappeared.


"Yeah, boys. Like I said. Help yourselves to drinks and think our offer over. Now uh...if you'll excuse me, I am gonna see which of these lovely dames wants to see my hotel room up close and personal."

Little Herb had quickly adjusted to becoming Big Herb and had all of the memories that his father had. He had enjoyed eating up all his father's memories as his father absorbed his own. He had turned into a grown up version of himself and his father had become the little boy version of Cliff. Little Cliff.

And while Daddy was away on his very adult trip, Little Cliff would think at home of why they had been changed. He had received a note in his cubbyhole at school from Mr. April telling him to pay attention in math and mind his teachers over the next school year.

But his punishment, miserable though it was, had it's better moments. He would become one of the best pupils in school. And Big Herb would enjoy his sex-crazed libido, drinking, and smoking as fringe benefits of being one of the most important lawyers in town, especially after he was promoted to partner.

"Now, baby, who's the man?" he asked his first conquest as he thrust into the amazingly hot bellboy who had flirted with him earlier, in the hotel room bed, making the young man's hole really work for his new huge dick. If he ever met this Mr. April he would have to thank him. He had also gotten a note explaining why his father and he exchanged ages and mentalities. He would be sure never to repeat that little mistake. "Yeah, say it. Say it!"

"You're the Dad! OH DAD!" the bellboy cried as he came inside the boy's hole and a look of ecstasy passed over his face.

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