Monday, February 11, 2013

It's Good To Be Dad

“WELL, well, well.  That’s more like it,” Adam said, sucking on his cigar and adopting a swaggering pose.  His former big brother, now much smaller than him, backed away slowly.
“You…you actually did it.  You guys switched places!”
“Yep yep yep, Dad actually agreed to it.  Didn’t know I was actually telling the truth about that Indian talisman I found.  Lucky for me he agreed to give me his body.  And that’s all I need, big bro!” The new Brandon came closer and shoved his brother a little. 
“But…you can’t do this!  Dad will-“
“Dad won’t do shit.  I’m the man of the house now!  So there!  I’m taller than you now and you have to do what *I* say because I’m your dad!”
“But…but…this isn’t possible…what about Dad’s job?  What about how you don’t know anything about it?”
“WHATever, it can’t be that hard.  Sonny boy.” Adam puffed on his cigar.  “Now I’ve send Dad to my room!  Just for the night though.  Man, I can’t believe I get to smoke now.  And no one would guess I’m only ten!  Guess I won’t be needing this!” He peeled off the nametag.  “Everyone can just call me Brandon from now on.   Betcha wish it was you that was grown up but sucks to be you. By the way.  You can call me DAD or SIR.”
“You’re not my dad!”
Brandon lifted up his brother into the air, grabbing him by the lapels, and stared at him as he chomped his cigar.  He gave his brother a look of warning, then lowered him and took the cigar out and still holding onto one lapel blew smoke in his brother’s face. 
“Pete, I’m the dad now.  Now say it!”
“You.  You’re the dad.”
“Good.  Now go do your homework.  HA!  Now I’m gonna stay up late watching R rated movies and shows I’m never allowed to.  I won’t be never allowed to do anything again.  I can watch whatever I want and you can’t, cause you’re still only twelve years old, Pete.  How do you like that!  Now get upstairs,” Adam the former wimp smacked his brother lightly on the back of his head.  Pete went upstairs to confront his father, who was now trapped in his little brother Adam’s body.
“Dad?  You’re so…little.”
“Son, you have to get that charm.  I have to find a way back into my body!”
“Okay, but…how?”
“I…I have no idea.  I think that Adam…oh no, I think he actually has to agree to the trade!”
“That’s never going to happen!”
“Then I’m trapped.”
Pete looked down at his father.  “Looks like Adam really is the man of the house now.  I…I better get to bed, I don’t want him to ground me for talking to you.”
“No, son, no wait!”
The door shut behind him.  Suddenly Brandon was left remembering all the times he had disciplined his sons.  He had been such a strict father.  He wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow.  His son had said that tomorrow was going to be all chores.  Raking leaves, chopping wood, mowing the lawn, hauling heavy things back and forth…and his son was going to just supervise of course. 
If only I hadn’t angered Adam, he thought, as he smelled the familiar waft of cigar smoke seeping in through the door.  He felt a familiar pang.  Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
Brandon walked in, smiling arrogantly, and then sat down on his dad’s new bed.
“Son, I just want to tell you that I’m gonna be a really good dad to you.  As long as you do what I say, and don’t ARGUE with me.” Adam placed a firm hand on his dad’s shoulder.
“I…I’ll do what you say, son.”
“Start by calling me Dad.  I’m Dad, and you’re my son.”
“But that’s…I…”
“Son, I’d hate to have to discipline you.” Adam clenched his cigar again.
“You’re…right.  I’m just a kid now.  Dad,” Brandon said, cringing.
“Good!  See, this isn’t so bad!  You’ll learn to like bein a kid again, Dad!  I promise!  Things will be a lot better now!  I promise.  And hey, I am gonna sign you up for little league football.  Starting next week.  Just like you were gonna do with me!  Well now you’ll do it and I’ll watch.  HAhahahaha.”  Adam left his new son’s room. 
Adam looked at himself in the hall mirror and smoked, proudly.  “It’s good to be the dad,” he said, and proceeded to go downstairs to watch whatever he wanted on TV.

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